eX – Marks the Spot

It sounds as if my ex is here… Here in Oregon.. I’ve had one year of 100% bliss, and now it’s over.  I keep getting calls today from a phone that comes up with the caller id as “unavailable”, I’d bet it’s him, cause from a payphone it would come up as that…  I don’t answer calls where I don’t know who it is… how in the world did we ever survive without caller id? I called is home yesterday in Cloverdale.  Got no answer machine.  I figure if I called it now, it would be disconnected.  I won’t bother. The bottom line is that he’s here now. Now, I have to share our baby, well, our seven year old girl.  And you know that’s not so bad, except that he’s got so many problems, and I don’t want to deal with all the extra stuff that goes with it. Like.. when he asks me for money, or when he wants to see his daughter but can’t feed her and expects me to provide groceries.  Last time I took her to see him in Cloverdale, he wanted to take her to pizza, but btw, Peggy, do you have money so I can buy her pizza.  The answer is and will forever be no, but he doesn’t listen. He just asks…. He was born with a neurological problem.  I had no idea what that meant when I met him.  I just knew he was disabled and compared him to my father who had had a heart attack.  My mother stuck it out with him until he left her.  So, I knew I could love a disabled person.  LOL! But, what he is, and the diagnosis came after my little girl was born, is a form of high functioning austim, Asperger’s Syndrome.  He’s impossible to live with especially if he gets overwhelmed.  At that point, he gets impulsive, compulsive, and violent. After his father died, and our daughter was born, I found out how he really was.  I decided during the pregnancy that I didn’t want to live with him anymore.  After she was born, I was actually his guardian for awhile, while we tried to get him help through a non profit.  They would have helped him with handling his money and so forth, and believe me, he needs it.  I was gonna get him the help and get the hell out of there, but they turned him down… as the years went by he became more and more dependant, and more violent. He eventually, black mailed me when I finally got him tossed out for snorting his ritalin.. Yes, people snort their ritalin.  He promised me if I Didn’t let him back into the home, he’d tell the system that I was taking money under the table.  At the time I was collecting state insurance for the kids, and maybe food stamps.  I was so ashamed and afraid, that I’d go to jail that I let him back in. I look back and realize how silly I was.  I didn’t bring in a lot of money, we were barely surviving… but I got scared and that was that… It took me another year to get rid of him.  To do that, I had to find him a place to live, and then… I had to pretend to find a house I was buying and tell him flat out that he wans’t going with me.  Once I had him out, he still expected me to take care of him…. for example, he was out of heating fuel for months…  and didn’t get any until I found out that Salvation Army would help him and fixed him up.  Because we have a child together, he has felt in the past at least, that I was obligated to take care of him. Bull shit! is what I say to that.. i will not take care of him any more.  He’s moved up here, and probably doesn’t have a place to live yet (any one know where there is section 8 housing that will accept a 46 year old man, with a 19 year old, probably developementally delayed girlfriend, and two dogs and a cat?).  I expect anytime for them to show up at our door step looking as pathetic as possible looking for a tent in our yard… and the answer will be a resounding NO.  I found out too late, that Oregon does not add state funds to the federal funds that SSI recipents get from Social Security. So to top it all off, his monthly income is going to go down by around $200.00 a month…. all the more reason I’m sure for him to let me know how hungry he is… And he is fighting for at least partial custody of our child!  And the state will probably give it to him, there is no accounting for govermental idocy… enough… for now.. I’ve typed more here today than I have the whole time I’ve had the account! Have a good one.. Peg

About PeggyAnn

Professional PC Consultant, Researcher, & avid people watcher, Peggy Ann Rowe started into her genealogical quest at age 15 after watching the mini-series, "Roots" with her parents. This new obsession has fueled her love of history, & study of cultures & societies in every epoch. Today she is 57 years old with four kids who are all grown up (& all have flown the coop). In between her 'gigs' with clients she volunteered at many different non-profits. Former President, Secretary, and Director at Large on the board of the Douglas County Historical Society for 10+ years, and former Secretary at the Cloverdale Historical Society (Sonoma County) for nearly 10 years. This website is an attempt to share the knowledge she has gained about her family ties with others who may be interested in the same things. She does not guarantee 100% accuracy and does hope that you will send corrections. To learn more about her, click the "about" button in the page menu. Thanks! Another goal of this website is to disseminate a message (i.e. education) about domestic violence, child abuse, and all forms of sexual abuse to society at large. The message comes from real experience from the whole spectrum of the violence from sexual abuse by a perpetrator to sexual abuse perpetrated by a husband, to the abuse of children within the family. Peggy has seen it, lived it, and been hurt by it. There will on occasion be details that might be hard for some people to read, and a warning is usually posted at the beginning of the essay so that those who want to turn and not read may do so. The only way to teach and to let others learn what to avoid is to SHARE what happened with every detail necessary to make the point. Thank you.
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