I am so angry! I learned some of the very, very early signs of Parkinsons. I do believe now, that Clyde has had the parkinsons perculating under the surface the whole time I have known him, and this year we will have known each other for 19 years.
What a wonderful man I was allowed to meet, marry, and relearn what real life was and I became the happiest girl in the world. I’m glad that we’ve managed to have a lot of great experiences. He has never once raised his hand to me in anger, let alone to hurt me. He caught me everytime I fell, and I can tell you–I fell hard more than once or twice. As a matter of fact I fell so hard about 5 years ago. I drove away from my home, my husband, and my kids thinking that I would not be seeing them again. The plan was to drive into some mountain full of snow somewhere, and pray I ended up dead and wouldn’t feel the buzz of the pacemaker as it continued to zap my heart again, and again. But, my fantasy came to an abrupt end because my car would not start. I had to get help to keep going. I called my good old guy, and he came running. He drove somewhere around 2-3 hours to get to me, that’s how far I got. He talked me into dinner, and got us a room. I cried all night. But, he was there. He got me home. He snuck away to talk to my doctor about me. A few days later, the doctor pretended like he knew nothing, while asking me specific questions. It was obvious. I waited until I got home and then asked him if he’d told my dr. what happened. He tried to deny it with words, but his face and tone said it all. Guilty!!! He was taking care of me whatever it took.
So, that was my reference for the man I married in 2005. I think the most important line I heard the day we got married was my precious pastor let me know that this was my first REAL marriage.
The longer I have known Clyde, the more I respect, and trust him. He had boundaries, and he’s made them clear over the years. The imperfect became perfect in my eyes. I can not say how much this man means to me. We are a team, we are in synch. It worked!
My spirit was lightend very much. I had a clean start–with a huge bag of issues.
So, why am I angry. Clyde spent almost eight full years in the Army. For his first post, the place he was sent for Military Police training was in Fort McClellan, Alabama. He was wallowing in dusty dirt, or muddy in the training he went through. This particular fort, was situated very close to Monsono Chemical Company and a creek where the company had dumped chemicals for decades (yes, is proveable with court documents, and contemporary media reports. This place also stored barrells of chemicals, supposedly agent orange and others right there on site. The chemicals were for training the young women soldiers how to recognize a chemical attack and what to do to take care of themselves (I know this because I’ve had disccussion with one of these young lovely ladies). All of this mix of chemicals eventually made the EPAs list of our nations most dangerous chemical waste area in our Nation. Literally, Fort McClellon was number 1 on the list. (I hope I remember the name of the Fort right.)
During his 2nd tour of duty, Clyde, stayed in Germany and was assigned to Nato Site 59 (thats pronounced five-nine). And there he guarded chemical weapons probably left over from Vietnam. He guarded VX and GB. Sarin and some other nerve agent. The guys knew that their doctor was measuring the chemicals in their blood. This is how our govenment measured the leakage of the muntions. The government at the time classified this tour of duty for all involved. When health issues started happening, Clyde kept asking if it was the chemicals he was around causing his present health issues. He thought he had seen agent orange on that site as well.
I attached a screen shot. Parkinson’s is one of the diseases that Veteran’s affairs acknowleges that is a presumed disease, and they will be fully responsible for caring for the veteran because of it’s connectedness to the soldiers service in the military. Clyde won’t qualify for this presumption because he wasn’t in Vietnam and the official window for that era ends in 75. Clyde went into the Army in 83.
Tell me this man does not have Parkinsons because he wallowed in a qualified and official EPA defined, dump site of a seriously ick. So, serious was this place, that even the Army abandoned the place. There have been scientific studies of the town nearby, where babies born with disfiguration or other birth defects. It is where wildlife studies proved that the chemicals were making the fish sick and they were born with deformities. At the time of the lawsuit when the city won the case against Monsonto, it was biggest monetary loss of that type of judgement in our national history. The base and therefore, the men and women who served there, were not represented at all in the lawsuit and they were specifically singled during bargining over terms of the settlement, the young people who willingly gave their lives were singled out for the purpose of not letting them ever sue for damages.
Don’t tell me the doctors didn’t know what they were looking for, and how dare the military deny that a man served well, by doing as his job, honorably discharged–even though the job required close proximity to chemicals, both which can deadly to humans which is why it’s in a munition!
I am angry because I realized again that I am very much in love with a man that I am losing a little every day. I’ve suspected it for a couple years now. I think back over our doctor visits, and I would make comments about his moods, or about a temor, his current doctor, even asked if he always moved that slow. I answered yes.
I guess I am angry because, I think I’ve had my cake, and damn it, I want to eat too. We vowed, privately, before we were married, after full disclosure our health problems that we would be there for each other. And he’s not going to be here with me.
I am angry that the Army has NEVER had to acknowleged what he and all these guys and gals did for our country. He gave 8 years, and on the way out the doctor said, “by the way…. don’t have kids for seven years.” Clyde gave his life to the Army. He never had kids of his own and he wanted them. Now, his life is going to be cut short by a cruel disease path, that he would have never probably gotten had be been in safe work space. And he would have never signed onto Site 59, except that his commanding officer coerced him by threatening a demotion, which is by the way, against the law in any other job.
The Army has witheld medical records for the whole time he’s been out of the Army. They have denied him a chance to know what was happening to himself, at an earlier time when he had more energy to fight it with. I am angry that the Army is going to win, again.
I see a lawsuit in the very near future. I am angry. We had plans. We still wanted to do more fun things together–exploring our little corner of the world. We had dreams. He supported my dreams, and encouraged me to become a rock star historian. I’m even giving that up – for now. I have a far more important job to do now.
To give the man respect and love, unconditionally. To care for him and afford him every single dignity attainable.
I can tell you, when he closes his eyes, he will be in the arms of our maker. I will have a lot of trouble even wanting to be in this world.
He is not gone yet, but I miss him already. I am afraid. It’s too soon to cry. So, I will be angry at everyone involved with the decisions to put people’s kids in places where there exists a chemical soup so toxic. Those kids, they were just doing their jobs. They were sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and even mommy’s and daddys.
Times are tough.
And then as of this afternoon: “
“Beginning March 5, we’re making millions of Veterans eligible for VA health care years earlier than called for by the PACT Act,” said VA Under Secretary for Health Shereef Elnahal, M.D. “With this expansion, VA can care for all Veterans who served in the Vietnam War, the Gulf War, Iraq, Afghanistan, the Global War on Terror, or any other combat zone after 9/11. We can also care for Veterans who never deployed but were exposed to toxins or hazards while training or on active duty here at home – by working with chemicals, pesticides, lead, asbestos, certain paints, nuclear weapons, x-rays, and more. We want to bring all of these Veterans to VA for the care they’ve earned and deserve.”
Now, how do we get his service connected percentage bumped up. It sits at 10% service connected disability. The truth is, he’s 100%!
