For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find
ourselves at a loss when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt!” Well,
thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had
one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt
later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them,
she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens
brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when
someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.
Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt