From myself and my family we wish you the merriest of holidays and the best New Year yet. May this season bring you all your desire, but and if not, let it bring you happiness, health, and the Wholeness of Spirit. xoxo ~Peg
A Note to Parents who are Separated from their Children:
This is a different holiday this year. With all kids out of the home and off the property completely, husband and I are enjoying a quiet holiday at home. Though, it was not a conscious decision, we never quite got to putting up a tree, or lights. Nor did we buy any gifts for anyone. Today is just like any other day except to say that we’ll make a turkey and the fixings. But, we may also make lasagna and save the turkey for tomorrow. Who knows! It’s our day!
This is not to say I’ve not enjoyed peering in folks windows and admiring their Christmas Trees. We have neighbors who have ‘decked the halls’ in the most fun and colorful ways. I have most certainly enjoyed that. I’ve enjoyed the holiday music on the radio, and have felt some glee while watching the holiday specials. But, we are giving no gifts, and expecting none. I don’t have to worry about disposing of or even killing a tree! My kitten can’t knock it over either. So, my gift to myself as it were, is peace and quiet. The time and environment for thoughtful contemplation.
For those who wish to know. Two of my four kids talk to me. Two do not. I am at peace with the situation. I do not feel either relationship is salvageable. They will not be salvageable at least until they come to their senses. I won’t be begging for anything. With one I have no clue what the truth of the matter is. All I know is the behavior is over the top and the pain nearly killed me. I’m done crying over that one. The other one was a situation brought over the top by herself and then turned around and made into my fault. I saw it coming so it’s not been nearly so painful. But, it has not been pain free. She has chosen to believe that I have lied to her about writing a piece about/to her when it wasn’t anything to do with her. Neither for her nor directed at her. She forgets that I have my own issues to face. The world, especially mine, quit revolving around her quite some time ago. In fact, my world doesn’t revolve around any of the kids at this point. It revolves around myself and my husband. That is the way it should be. Same child then confided in me. Told me what she’d told her, what boils down to a step-daughter that she could treat her own mother a certain way, but she was not to treat herself that way. What she said to me was proof enough of her “poisoning the well”. The father was already having issues with his daughter and her relationship with her mother. My only goal by messaging the father was to save the little girl from mixed messages and future hurt. The father had said outload that he realized my daughter was a liar. What makes him think that she is lie-free when she deals with him is beyond my comprehension. Someday he will figure out that the “drama” that he spoke about was her over reaction– a way to conceal the truth from him and point his awareness elsewhere. A diversion so to speak. The fact, that the situation was presented in such a way that the father of the little girl actually believes that I purposely put his child into the middle of something is quite interesting. It never entered my mind to do such a thing, because there was nothing to put her in the middle of at that time.
My reaction to being called a liar was hurt. But knowing said child (grown) is angry and hostile towards others she’s not liking at the moment (rational or not) was in the back of my mind. It was, in my mind, par for the course. My particular answer for that specific situation was to give her time/space. Getting even, or whatever it is she has made this out to be is really not my style. I’ll fight to survive, but for the most part I don’t believe in getting even. It is a waste of time and energy. I’d rather let Karma do it’s thing.
Simply put, I don’ need that sort of manipulation in my life. Nor, am I willing to let myself be treated like this any longer. She has sent her friend “Bobby” to spy on me through Facebook. I nipped that in the bud. I view this type of behavior also as more manipulation. He is blocked and will approach me no more. If he should choose another name and approach me, which I’d expect after she reads this (and she can’t help herself) — then I’ll figure it out, and block him again. It will be an exercise in futility.
When one decides to clean up their life, often times to keep that commitment it means getting rid of all unhealthiness — keeping at arms length the ones you hold most dear to your heart. Sometimes it means having nothing to do with them at all, for in the long run, it is often the most loving and honest thing you can do for yourself. I am not in love with arrogance, manipulation, or hostility. They can deluded themselves into to thinking they are “taking care of business” if they like. But, the truth is the two that they’d deem the most unhealthy are two most healthy for there is little arrogance and a willingness and an openness both sides of the story. I have no need for people in my life who think they know it all, who are not open to the possibilities of life wherever they present themselves. If they want to live in a closed system, then by all means, let them have it. I wish them love and luck.
And a final thought–yes, my blog is akin to a private journal. Yes, it is, often, where I come to work out the issues of my life. It is also a place where I come to let others in similar situations to myself let them know that what they are going through is not uncommon, nor are they alone and on their own.
It takes some strength to stand up and do what is right for yourself, especially in the face of obstacles thrown out there in your path by family members that are supposed to not only cherish you, but you are supposed to cherish as well. The threat to your own and sometimes their wellbeing’s can often feel as if its hanging in the balance. If it is a new situation, your sanity may very well be hanging in the balance. I went through a horrible time where I did actually leave home with the thought of ending my life. Had the car not broke down, I may not be here on earth in this form anymore. My message to you, is to hang in there. Things can not get worse, even though it might not feel like it at the moment.
Now, is your time to shine. Commit to your own healing. Check and double check everything in your proverbial checkbook. Make sure the math is right. It’s almost a new year, come up with some new goals for that new year. Make them easy to attain. Many small goals are far better for your mental health than one large one that you may not be able to attain. With many small goals that you can attain, you will build self-reliance, self-confidence, and self-pride. You can go for the large goal next year when your emotions are more settled and you have transitioned to your new life as a mom or dad with the loss of children not so first and foremost in your mind.
The best gift, is the gift you give yourself. Take care of YOU! Prepare in case there can be a reunification, but do NOT hold your breath. Make your life better for you. Your life will be all the richer as you extend your world and discover new ways to express yourself.
Go, go, go… be happy, be healthy, be alive. Wait for no one. Choose to be great! xoxoxo, Peg