An Argentinian Poet said…

Some things are hard to see when there is a fog in the way.

Fence in the Fog on a Medford morning. Typical spring and fall weather in the river valleys in Southern Oregon.

Argentinian poet Antonio Porchia wrote:

“I know what I have given you, I do not know what you have received.”

Absolutely nothing but the truth.  I think about my kids this time of year.  I don’t know of a parent who would not.  It really doesn’t matter what the situation is with them. Is our relationship all in one piece, are we okay with one another?  Are we not getting along so well?  What’s up with that.  Or are we flat out estranged. I have kids that fall into each category.

Two of the four talk to me. The other two do not.  Mental illness runs rampant in this family.
My biological kids got hit from both sides of their family.  Mental illness is a key in all these situations. They are all extra hard to get through in one mostly emotional piece.  I have one child I would not dare to diagnose.  I have another two who are diagnosed.  Times can be very hard.

So, it’s holiday time.  Thanksgiving in two days.  We here are prepared! I can’t think of a thing we need.  Though, I’d love to have an excuse to  go to the store.  Our cupboards are not bare. 
We will have the normal turkey with all the trimmings.  Stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, cranberry sauce (why call it sauce?), olives, marshmallows, sweet potatoes. Yum.
We will have the company of two kids, and I will count myself as thankful for those two.  

I will be happy with what I have.  That has been a hard lesson for me to learn over the years.
I wasn’t happy in Ohio.  I was told that my home was where my husband was, I should be happy.  Then came the heart is where the home is.  I was young, California was still king in my book.  Fast forward to today, I really do hate this house!  It is an okay house.  But, we never got to finish cleaning it up, gutting it out, and redoing everything the way we wanted.  We still have rotten and very visible ceilings, moldy walls, 50+ year old linoleum that is so worn there are holes in it.  I may hate my house for things that it is not at fault for.  The house has been obviously neglected by former occupants, and our dreams are pretty much dead.  But, my home is most certainly where my partner is – he is my home, my heart, my all.  

I love my kids to pieces.  All of them.  But, truth is none of them are kids anymore.  They need to finish growing up, and I need them to grow up.  We have moved into the stage of tv dinners in this home.  I am so tired of cooking.  Send me a recipe that you use when you do NOT want to cook!  Our time is coming-we are both tired and worn out.  Yet we are not yet even 60 years old.  It is circumstance, and genetics.  We take care of each other.  His problems are certainly getting progressively worse.  Mine would get better, if I could just concentrate on me.  Some how, I always manage to throw the baby into the wash water. 

I will be 60 this April.  I kind of figure I might have about 18 years left on this planet.  I reached the stage where I knew each day was a gift to be thankful for a long time ago.  My father died so young.  Even though he was a mean son of bitch, his presence is still missed.  I can still hear his jolly laugh, and his the tromp, tromp of his work boots as he got ready for work. Lucky for me the good things are etched into memory.

I keep trying to be thankful for the nearly 16 (legally) years I gave to my first husband.  He taught me a lot. I taught me a lot. I sure don’t take husband #2 for granted.  He is easy to love.
At least for me.  We travel pretty much one the same plane.  I really thought it was meant to be at first.  In fact, I believed that for a long, long time.  There are days when I really don’t know that anything is…well, meant to be.  They say there is a God, and he has a plan.  There are days when I hope it is true.  

It is Thanksgiving 2021.  In two more days I’ll have a whole days of cooking to do.  Cheeks to kiss.  I am so happy that my kids believe in immunization.  I am truly grateful for that!  For if they had chosen to not get them, I’d probably chosen to not host them. 

I have one essay mostly done.  I have one more to write. I have math to catch up on. Two more weeks of this quarter and then we are done for just about a month.  Next quarter will be two more history classes, and another math class. Ugh.  I love the history.  Not so much in love with the math.  But, you know, I am totally grateful that I was allowed to go to school again. 
I will be happy to use my degree to hopefully make an income in a field where I can do important things, and be proud of what I am doing.  Making a lot of money would help.  I’ll try, but I’m a realist, I’m not rich yet. 

Watch out if I am ever rich.  No telling what I might decide to do.  Tear down this house for one.  Have another trucked in and set up.  Put it in a child’s name.  (No, not yours).   Buy myself at least two cars, just cause I can.  Buy my love a brand new Jeep. 

I love to dream.  I am grateful that I can.  I am grateful that I can tell the difference between reality and the dream too.  I am grateful for the life, and the experiences, even those that hurt so much.  I got a 2nd chance.    Have a Happy Thankful Thanksgiving.

Posted in Holidays, Just Jabber, Memories, Parent/Child Relationships, Personal | Tagged , | Leave a comment

He can scream all he wants, the writing is on the wall…

Put this on my Facebook page and started a debate! I agree with this man 1000%. I have been saying what every citizen should have to do is take a class in critical thinking. That alone would help free a lot of people from the kind of thinking that leads them to vote for someone like Trump.

 

Be Ready!  Do NOT forget!  We are the ANSWER!
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

I do assume a lot don’t I?  Here is a quote from the news on the Huff Post today: 

The committee “should come to the conclusion after spending many millions of dollars, that the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on January 6th—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results,” Trump said in his statement.   

Really?  I am not even sure how Trump manages to put himself out there, if I were in his shoes, I’d be so embarrassed, I couldn’t say a word, let alone show my face in public.  The man has absolutely no shame at all.   I will try not to dump on the man too much, not that he doesn’t deserve every beating he gets in writing, verbally, and as far as I am concerned physically.  He does not deserve protection from our government. He just needs to disappear. 

On December 17, 2020, Gallup polling found that 31% of Americans identified as Democrats, 25% identified as Republican, and 41% as Independent.

The truth is, that the democratic numbers which of course translates to votes, has been growing the past few years.     Keep that in mind when you are sweating having to live through another four years of that regime. 

My son has been sweating all this stuff.  None of us in this family want Trump to run for President again.  Ok, lets be real up front and honest.  My son and I flat out hate the man.
He is unethical, not honest, a mysogistic, narcissistic, criminal.  I’m afraid that is the top of the iceberg when it comes to that man.  I don’t know it, I do not know the man at all.  So far as I know no one I am acquainted with know him either.   I dislike him so much, I’ve cut off some friends over their support for the sob.  

So, back to the kid.  He is so worried that man will get back in office.  I am going to sound very (temporary, probably insane, but here goes…)  Trump really did more harm to this nation than anyone has in a good long time.  Those who did not like him before his Presidency in general like him even less now.  His whining and his false facts have raised the hackles of liberals and progressives in the worst way.   

Reading the news is comforting, right now Democrats and independents who lean Democrat (such as myself) have the numbers that show we outright own this nation if we will only take the time to vote. 

I believe because of what we saw the four years prior to Mr. Biden will be enough that those who lean Democrat or Progressive will never be complacent again.  At least this generation and the next will remember this time for the rest of their lives.  People like me can’t get the violence of the Black Lives Matter protests out of our heads.  I am talking about the ones who actually committed the violence.  People who took their cues from Trump and proceed to walk all over others to get what they wanted.  The Proud Boys, The 2%, the KKK, they all took their cues from Trump.   They honestly believed Trump had their back.  I have to laugh.  We can see now how he has had their back.  It’s all just words.  There is no substance to that man.   

STOP, Do NOT pass Go! Do NOT collect $1200.

Be prepared to stop Trump and Trumpism. Stay awake, don’t forget. The future of our world is in our hands, all we need to do is VOTE!

I vote anyways.  I always vote.  A person I wanted to win in a small town election lost by one vote.  I didn’t vote that year.  I had a baby and I was too worn out.  Had I voted that person probably would have won.  I will never forget that.  I tell the story to others because it is my way of letting people know that their vote still matters.  If we win as the individual or as a group, doesn’t matter, what matters is that we win.  That we choose nearly anyone else except Trump or any other pick of the conservative Christians right.  They have reached the extremes and are angry over moot subjects. They are creating chaos in our lives, our government, and turning the world upside down to the point that they support fascism.  Let them take their anger out on themselves, and vote all of them out of office.  

I have friends who are Christian, and conservative.  It is hard in these times to stay friends.  I still like them, but now, I see them as people with some sort of thinking deficit.  I mean one set of friends are university educated.  I was shocked to know they were Trumpers.  

This quarter at EOU, I am taking a history class about Postwar Europe.  Postwar, meaning after WWII.  But, the class is also teaching a lot about what happened in WWII.  It turns out that a lot, and I mean the numbers were scary, how many academics, meaning University Professors, on down the ladder to  elementary school teachers fell for the hoax of Nazism.  

I wish people would learn about the past.  Nazism was nothing but fascism.  A textbook case. 
As far as I can tell, Trump is a want to be fascist.  Considering we are wide awake, and the majority we really should win the race easily.   I must admit though,  I will go through the whole race until the final vote is counted pinned to the edge of my seat, however, I must believe that Trump will loose.  A Democrat or Progressive who really cares about people will take the Presidential seat.  I don’t care if it’s Joe Biden, or Ms. Harris, or AOC, or Yang.  Heck, I’d love to see Bernie Sanders in there!

But, lets get realistic, stay awake and caring about what our country is becoming both politically and environmentally and vote accordingly.   As Smokey used to say, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires.”  That is a perfect metaphor for the upcoming elections, and even about the climate change that is coming.  Oh, heck, its not coming, it’s here and its only going to get worse for awhile anyway.  My source for that is me, I took a class at OSU about climate change. I can give you the history, and there is a lot of it.  I can tell you what we need to stop doing NOW.  I can tell you what will do the longest damage to the climate and hold heat in the longest: methane is the most dangerous stuff because it stays in the atmosphere for years and years, wherein carbon eventually breaks down.   

At this point, we need to stand by and prepare to be ready at the ballot box.  In the meantime we can watch the awful master of destruction, maybe even the devil himself,  tear up the Republican party.  He will make them all look like a bunch of dunces (in my book he already has and they really are).   The Republican party as far as I am concerned is morally defunct.  Trump is putting frosting on his proverbial cake.  Let him. It will cause us to eventually have even more votes on our side.   I have always lived on hope!  Never stop hoping!

Put action behind those words and feelings: 

Be Ready!  Do NOT forget!  We are the ANSWER!
VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Sources: 

  1. Huff Post
  2.  Pew Research Center
  3. Gallup Poll
  4. USAToday
  5. Yahoo News — (not that I consider Yahoo anything it a great source, but sometimes they steal reliable stories from other good places.)

Copyright 2021, Peggy A Rowe-Snyder.  

Posted in Fascism, Politics, Rights, Women's Rights | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Checking In

It’s been months hasn’t it? That is what happens when you are like me and not very good at math and must concentrate, basically 24/7 on math. I am lucky in that the next math class has been split into two. Making a quarter class into a semester long class. I got hold of the syllabus, and plan on starting now, 2 months before classes even start to study. I have bought the books needed for the two history classes too. All should be read before classes start. Barring any issues, health or otherwise, I should be graduating in Fall of 22. About the same time as my youngest graduates with her bachelors.

Life here has changed. Not that it can not be overcome, it can be and will be. But, things have changed. My youngest has divulged information about my oldest and what she said when youngest was living with her. Apparently, my oldest made it clear that she really didn’t care about her step dad except to say that she wanted the house. I heard that recently and afterward realized I owed my husband an apology. He told me he did not think she cared about him at all. I was trying to get him to keep up his relationship with her. Thought it would be good for both of them. Its not like it would bother me at all. But, He said no because of the fact that he was pretty sure she didn’t really care about him. After hearing my youngest, I went to the house and apologized. I was wrong, he was right. That had to hurt. One can easily spit out the words, but actually believing them is a whole other story. I don’t know if he believed them or not. But, if there was any hope at all, I most definitely killed it when I apologized. Kind of crappy really.

All of this over a piece of property! A house that needs a bulldozer taken to it because it needs so many repairs and upgrades that it is not worth doing anything else. It is not in any way shape or form ready to be rented. We are here because financially at this point we are stuck. Or we could move but the areas we have considered are too far away from the resources we need for life.

The oldest believes that she is his only heir and is entitled to the property, which I find completely interesting. According to state law, his siblings are also heirs. That is, three sisters and a brother. There are two other people who were adopted, and a legal grandchild to consider. She is far from the only heir. By law, she’d have to get all those people to sign off on them not wanting their share for her to take theirs. I wonder how many of them will do that, if they’ve been told not too and why, prior to the demise of the man of this house. Of course, that is AFTER she is able to make it past a will and a power of attorney, a quit claim form, etc. Which she can not.

Because of her unrealistic plans for this property, she has let herself completely out of the will and has no claim to executorship. She is pretty delusional to think that her mother would not fight her. Especially considering her mother put nearly 10K down on the house. Has lived in said house for nearly 20 years, and stood by the man as he made improvements that he could make. No judge would toss out anyone who has that kind of history. By the time all this comes to pass, my guess, is that I will have lived at this one address for over 20 years. Should the daughter in question thinks she is my only heir, she can think again. She is not heir to anything at all.

If she thinks she’s going to show up and pretend to be a friend and schmooze her way into owning the home. We are both smarter than that. If she think she’s going to pressure, blackmail, or an other sort of mental/emotional/head game her way into a house, she needs to think again. She will be turned in for elder abuse.

This daughter has been expelled from the right of having anything in this house. Nothing will go to her. It did not have to be that way. Her grandfather, Toney, has said more than once that greed is what gets a person caught when it comes to being in trouble, be that criminally, or otherwise. I always did agree with him. In this case it is arrogance and greed. All she has succeeded in doing is pushing two people who loved her very much to a point that they’ll never trust her again. Since she is nearly 40 years old, no one can say that we have left her behind, or have abused her in anyway shape or form into this situation. She has caused it all herself. And there are witnesses. I have come to see that anyone that has anything to do with that daughter to be cut of the same cut of cloth. This includes people who are intimate relationships with her as well. There will be no conscious relationship between myself and anyone having anything to do with her.

Judges do not regularly throw out wills, and powers of attorney btw.  I realize that you read this blog on occasion.  You will NOT be taking anything away from the rightful heirs to this property.   And given health issues, my guess is that the place will eventually be sold to pay for our needs and wants.  So, quit drooling.  There is nothing here to drool over. 

When you are ready to fix all this.  You can try.  We can talk, however, take into consideration, there is no way in hell at this point that I will ever talk to you alone.  There will always be witnesses.   I never called you any names.  You said that.  I didn’t put that little girl in the middle of anything because guess what?! You were the only person in the room who was angry.  I was trying to protect the well from being poisoned anymore than it had been.  But, I was not heard right, or whatever and it did not help.   But, a child will always, always come before any adult, even one in my family. 

Posted in Announcements, Estrangement, Women's Rights | Leave a comment

Book: “Educated” by Tara Westover

Last free night before the new quarter starts. I finished a book recommended by an old friend. (Thank you, Micheal) I don’t remember his exact words — they went something like this: a story about her seeing the world differently than the one she taught about while growing up. It was a story about her challenges he said. Indeed, it was a story of her challenges.

I managed to read the book in 4 days…. spread out over at least a month. I finally took to annotating it last night because I realized I was learning so much. Tonight were the first tears… where on page 321 she, the author, Tara Westover writes that she “surrendered” her grandparents (to an estrangement within the family).

I have lived a lot of stuff. Just stuff. Some of it very painful. Some of it very happy. Lot’s of it has been a searching for meaning. An explanation that I can comprehend. I can not explain it, if I can’t comprehend it. Ms. Westover and my, stories are no where close to one another’s and yet, in some ways they are one in the same. Toward the end she wrote that she had had a fractured mind. I was once told by a therapist that I had a fractured mind.

A child learns to live in the reality that they move in. When the reality changes, so must they. It is how we survive. If a child’s life is not stable then how are they to remain stable themselves? We build walls in our mind. To protect ourselves and to create stability, a reality that they can count on. As a young person, I spent so much time inside my head. No one knows. I never shared. It was my safe place where I tried over and over again to make things right, to understand.

We also cut ourselves off at the same time from feelings of the day, those too harsh for a child to live with, to remember, to explain. The feelings are left to lay on a rocky road to be tread on again and again. Lack of boundaries. Children are vulnerable. Children do the best they can with what they are given, they explain and justify, look the other way, forget, and forgive. Like any animal they try to not show they are hurt. In the world I grew up in, a Rowe never EVER showed weakness. It was forbidden. We have smiled when we should have cried.

Often those little children live on within the adult reliving the situations over and over again. When my mother quit talking to me in 1991. One of her threats was that she would cut me off from the family. My mother was still at the point, in my mind, an all powerful goddess — I was just beginning to question anything she ever had said or done. I was 32 years old and just beginning to really think for myself. I took the threat as a promise that it was a done deal and I stayed away from my family for years! Literally YEARS. I figured that she was telling family stuff that she’d already told my sister–that I was obsessing over the subject at hand, that I put ideas in my child’s head— God only knows what else. Hearing that was enough… there is a chism between my sister and I that probably will never be crossed by either of us. To push at all would be a push too far.

My grandfather had passed away. Both my grandmothers were alive. But, the one I stayed away from was my maternal grandmother. I assumed she hated me. I could not face that the woman that I adored and knew as my saving Grace hated me. (I could not imagine that she did not) I never saw her alive again. Months and months ago, my sister made a remark about how I could walk away from people and never feel a thing. I let her know…. that she had no clue. She doesn’t. She never will. But, the day my mother made that threat, I surrendered my grandmother— I surrendered nearly my entire life.

I spent years picking my life up off that road one piece at a time. All the while raising children, failing relationships, finding God, beginning a more formal education, learning to handle a job (again), an over 10 year custody battle ensues where my ex runs with my oldest and I do not see her for over six years. I maneuver through what was unknown to me at the time, as PTSD— I have had to face a lot of ghosts. I had to retrain my heart to hear the good voices. I had to learn to ask for help. I had to learn to accept graciously. I grew up all over again.

And yet… here comes this book, “Educated” (autobiographical, an excellent read by the way) and I am reading away. Somethings seem distantly familiar but in different ways. We each have our own stories to tell. A lot of it hits home. Some of it reads like I am reading myself. I will tell you what…. Ms. Westover and I, we have one thing in common (actually, I think we have a ton of stuff in common, but…. I digress)— to do what we have done…to survive at all is no minor miracle. My life has been a fight, and there are times when I still do not know when to put the gloves down.

I feel a kinship with this author. Two souls who could almost recite the others story….not because they are so super similar, but because our reactions though woven through differents times and a different place were nearly the same. She questioned the reality of her situation and began to learn about it and think it through. That is all I have ever done. If we do not shine a light on it, then we are most certainly either doomed to repeat the history, or pass it on to our children. I was determined to try and do neither.

I will probably keep this book like a treasured possession for the rest of my life. I can see it becoming a source for some unwritten piece of work.. some unspoken story… one that is still trying very hard to break free from the walls built strong and thick within. This story was really a gift. It is funny how life does that. You think you’ve beat that damn story silly–that you are done with it forever. Then something gets tossed in, or in this case, actually recommended. Not only does it help me to see things a little more clearly, it also helps me to feel seen… more worthy…. Micheal, through time and space, one relationship that I managed to not screw up. Thank you.

 

https://tarawestover.com/
@tarawestover

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tara_Westover

 

Posted in Bi polar, Children's Rights, Estrangement, Forgiveness, PTSD, Women's Rights | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

What a heck is a Parasomnia?

I had never heard of a parasomonia until just a few days ago.  A parasomnia is a group of specific sleep disorders where a person is awaken or not and are in an alternate reality, sleep walking, or whatever.   It generally happens when a person is rudely awaken or has awakened in the middle of the night while in a deep sleep.  Sometimes they happen when a person is waking up.  Often the people who have these disorders do not even know what is going on at night.  Ha!! Talk about night life!!  

I think I have experienced the one called Confusional Arousal now.  Of course, a doctor would need to make the official call.  In this case, I was probably waking up from a dream (which I do not remember) and it just kind of continued on after my eyes opened on.  I was aware, I remember it, I thought I was awake.  The worst part of it though, and this is the first time ever,  I woke up thinking I was in bed with my father.  This bothers me greatly.   

I’ve had a series of these the past couple of months.  The major theme through them all, is that I am either in my childhood home (which I’ve not been in since my 20’s) or in my home, either way my mom is around except I determine she’s lost or missing.  I have actually gotten up and out of bed to look for her.  It is during this process that I realize where I sit in reality and correct my ‘vision’ and move on with real life.   In general this hits around 3 a.mish.

This  is unlike any flashback I’ve ever experienced.  I am diagnosed with PTSD and flashbacks are part and parcel of that one.  This is very much like a memory, except so far as I know, I’ve never had a memory bubble up like this. I have a tendency to think this is conincindental to something or other, and while my brain may be working out issues, its really not relavant to now.  I think.    Maybe my brain doesn’t like the fact that in someways that relationship remains in the air… unconcluded in totality.  Even though, in reality, I’ve gotten all I’m going to get out of the woman.  I know her now.  She’s not the woman she portrays herself to be. She has up a very false facade as some one who follows the rule of law and is above most of the rest of the world in those very terms.  She deems herself perfect and untouchable–though in reality she is the same as the rest of us: vulnerable, weak, fragile, in pain, not 100% happy.  To make matters worse her denial of the facts, which by some would be called flat out lies–dominiate the past 30 years.  

I really do not understand why I am looking for her.  I would understand it more, if I were looking for any of my kids.  

So, I don’t know.  Is it confusional arousal? A memory? I’ve had several of these–but only this last one had my dad in it.  When I checked out the body it was my husband and I realized it was my husband, but the fact did not stop me from looking for my mother.  Wierd!!  Speaking of husband, he thinks its a memory bubbling up and that it backs up what I have felt were probably memories on the edge of being uncovered.  The big question of course, is what did my father do to me when I was very small.  Whatever it was, it was bad enough that my mom’s brother tried to hurt him and they physically fought.  Whatever it was my uncle could not name it.  The look on his face was just painful.  Pathetic.  It all just hurt.  The suspeciaion is that I was sexually abused by my father while a very tiny little girl.   I guess, we’ll see.  

Ok, back to work.  Ya’ll have a great day!!  Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.  

& Congrats to Vice President Biden on becoming President Elect!  I am elated that Kamala Harris is your Vice President elect.  To see a woman come into this level of power in our country during my lifetime is a dream come true.  Between the two of you, I have hope for the future.   

Posted in Women's Rights | Leave a comment

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year too!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, too.

From Me & Mine to all of you,
We hope that your holiday is wonderful
and the coming New Year, too. 

This piece of “art” is an consequence of an art class taken at Eastern Oregon University and is one class that counts towards the degree I am seeking.    So, for those who care, and I’m sure there are very, very few.  This is a hand drawn piece with pencil, felt tip pens, and in one case a Gel pen.    I then scanned in the piece, and imported to Photoshop (2021) and ran it through a few filters.  I cut pieces out and put them in their own layers, added drop shadows patterns, and some texture.  The ornaments got covered over with the digital paint brush.  

I will be sharing my projects from class soon.  Right now, I’ve got a job to do and so I’m keeping this short.  But, the whole experience was positive.  I got myself an A on the books.  And I ended buying myself a Christmas present.  I now have a professional digital pad for drawing on.

I’ve had one before.  I hardly did what it was advertised to do.  You know, the computing power just wasn’t there back then.  Today the drawing pads, can catch the naunces of the pressure you put on the sylus and in the loops and semi-lines you draw.  The tool is incrediable.  I can’t wait to have time to work with it in a steady way.  

Because I have a job I probably won’t post much until after the new year.  So, I really do hope you are all healthy, wealthy, and wise.    Happy, honored, and beloved by someone.  Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!  ~ Peg?

 

Extra note to my oldest:  Do not think for any moment that I have forgotten you or the fact that your birthday is in exactly one day.  I wish you a very happy birthday and a very beautiful day.  I wish you health and happiness in whatever form you like.  

 

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This Angry White Man Shit Must GO!

You know this angry white man thing has just got to go.
 
I do not remember realizing this before. But, white men have enslaved others for hundreds of years (if not thousands). Slavery still exists. We partake almost anytime we buy a piece of clothing from Walmart. Who reaps those riches: white men, for the most part. Men– probably of all colors, but especially the Anglo Saxon race is guilty of abusing those who are weaker than themselves. This includes their ‘old ladies’.
 
I was just writing a note to a friend. And my mind went through steps making one association after another. The reality is today’s angry white man can’t stand the idea of ‘socialism.’ They do not feel obligated in the least to help their fellow human. As far as I am concerned, the Republicans are proving that on a daily basis. They have zero compassion.
 
White men (and sometimes all men) have been doing unfathomable damage for eons when it comes to humanity in general. It turns a little personal here— I was married to two angry white men. (One of them has turned around for the most part) One was very abusive. I have made no secret about what I have lived with in my childhood and in my first ‘marriage’. I did not know until my late 40s/early 50s that I was having trouble holding jobs because of PTSD. I knew that I looked for certain enviroments. I knew if I did not have the protection I felt I needed that I would not take the job, or in the end, I’d walk off. I have worked almost my entire adult life to basically keep my back against the wall where I felt comfortable and able to watch the move of everyone around me in all situations: work and social. Sit in the back of the building, and watch the doors. I kept track of every body. I knew who was in the bathrooms and when.
 
A person who is so hypervigilant over themselves and children end up pretty exhausted both physically and emotionally. The bottom line–I worked so often and so long on the record that I can not collect social security of my own EVER. Otherwise, I would be because physically and emotionally I qualify for SSDI.
 
This situation, while I have worked hard to figure it out and move beyond it has affected me so badly that I will live with the fall out (consequences) the rest of my life. Unless I have a miracle happen, my old age, especially if I were to loose Clyde, is going to be pretty poor in terms of finances. (I’m not whining, I’m making a point). My point is that, angry white men did the damage. I’m far from the only woman out there living with the fall out. My point is that white men have NO right to be angry. None whatsoever. They owe us something! Angry white Republicans say “NO Socialism” yet, how will the government take care of it’s “damaged” female citizens. In general what happens now is these women do the best they can, but become lifers on the sytem. Believe me, I know, these women eventually have to give up their pride and end up on TANAF, Food Stamps, and state insurance. When they’ve been on TANAF too long, then they work as they can and focus on paying the rent. At least some of us remain on Food Stamps and state insurance to help round out the life–because to keep the family healthy as is possible. Don’t forget kids are at least a 20 year or so obligation. Women’s capacity to provide for their family which has is dimished by virtue of the fact that they are female and raised in a certain frame of mind is on the table first and formost. Add in abuse that come down to a diagnosis of PTSD (in my case, CPTSD) further dimisnishes their ability to provide and all of this sets up a cycle that continues and is shared with the next generation. But, here women like myself sitting out there. Doing what we can do. Really in some way really just flailing through life and doing the best we can–with little to no support from anyone. Many of us get rejected by our own families and friends they thought they could count on. And white men are angry? How this ties into socialism is this:
 
First consider that social security is an idea that was set up in German first. Socialist Germany. We did nothing more than steal or borrow the idea from them! That’s just the fact. Not all socialism is a bad thing.
 
2. Consider the millions of women who are in the same condition that I am in. Where will we turn? Again to what they have available social programs, in my case, social security, whatever I get , will be a critical life line for me, as will social security. But, oh wait, Socialism is a bad thing!!! I hear of talk of getting rid of Social security even today out of the Republicans.
 
I feel at this point that I am owed to a certain degree. I have lived with a LOT of damage over the years. I have struggled in ways that people don’t even know about and I could have even voiced it at the time because people don’t always have the names needed to explain things. I need “social” programs to survive. And all of this was and is basically through no fault of my own. I was raised in such a way that I would do nothing more but look for abusive husbands until I became conscious enough to learn about the subject and and begin the process of getting past it. It takes years and years both to wake up and to move past the crap.
 
 
-So these angry white men can just scream “no socialism” and they can stay angry. But, what I want if they want to do is this:
 
-Realize that what they are trying to dismantle is a mess that they themselves constructed.
 
-That their victims are in need of assistance.
 
-That they have no right to be angry—they are STILL at the top of the pile (Of you know what). Or the top of the food chain, however you prefer to see it.
 
-They need to realize that their anger is not justified in the least and really what their anger is nothing more than pouting and a temper tantrum because they themselves are finally loosing control to people who are “waking up” and standing up for their rights.
 
-True socialism as it is meant to be used in conjunction with Democracy works around the world. The idea in practice puts every day people at the top, and people in those countries are regularly named on lists as the happiest people in the world.
 
-Angry white men will need the system eventually, then they will understand. But, until them. People need the help and always will as long as people exist. Period.
 
One last point—I have learned over the years that what some would consider “damaged” in a person, another might consider a strength. It might be one most people do not recognize–but in order to survive it all women in similar situations have to realize that they are survivors, that the survivorship creates are strong and capable ladies. We learn to make our way the best way we can. I have labeled myself ‘damaged’ in this piece only to make a point. I am beyond sitting with my back against the walls now. I have pushed myself into social situations and purposely worked to break the habit of hypervigilance. If anything I see myself as fairly lazy about it all these days. I am quite aware of the strength it took for me and other women to leave their situations after being beat down and to slowly, surely rise up in skill, in the way we carry ourselves, eventually holding our heads up. Of course it’s a struggle, and yes, sometimes it can still be. But, I know my capabitlities today. I’m really smart. I am really conscious. I am very aware. I am strong. I nearly always see the glass half FULL. I believe in most people. I am capable of thought (contrary to what I was told by my ex husband who told me I was uncapable of making any sort of decision). More than anything else—what has really carried me through everything, is that I am fighter. If you knock me down–eventually, I come out swinging. My goal is always to move up and better myself.
 
I’m not done yet! I have learned that words matter. I’ve learned that I am good with them. Obviously, that is where I have taken the fight.
 
— 20 Dec 2020
Posted in Children's Rights, Health, History, Paternalism, Patriarchy, Politics, Prejudice, Racism, Rights, Sexual Assault, Socialism, The Snyder Side, White Supremacy, Women's Rights | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

One statement, via graphic, it’s amazing!

Put this on my Facebook page and started a debate!

Posted this graphic to my Facebook page and got a lot of comments that I do not necessarily agree with at all.  So, I thought perhaps, I’d just post my answer to them all here:  

At this point there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that I lean left. Having said that I think that the educational system was created by people who believed that education was the key to a better life. It has been refined over the years with that same belief built in. Perhaps I am wrong, maybe all it was supposed to do was teach the basics so people could balance their pocket book. I really do not know. What I know and believe is that education is the KEY to a better life. A higher standard of living, a better understanding of the world around us–including outer space, our enviroments, our home nations and our neighbors, etc., etc. So, I am not blaming anyone. I am backing up the statement that Trump is a problem, but he is a symptom– a symptom of the lefts apathy in 2016. A symptom of the in general, attitude of the “angry white man’ movement and everything it includes: white supremecy, racisim, paternalism, misgony, looking down on anyone one in the working class, in fact, as Trump makes terribly clear–the DISTAIN of the very people they depend on to have the life that they maintain. Classism is a live an well in this country. I also am very against the habit of the right to use “Christianity” to justifiy what they believe in and do Especially when they come off as hypocrits. It has never been so obvious how not ‘pro life’ they truly are or how violent they truly are. For most on the right, I do not see them as true Christians. And I am speaking of the fundamentalists, the extremists. So, what will cure the nation of these issues? A good and well rounded education! At this point, I believe everyone should go to college. Even two years of Junior College makes a big difference in how people understand the world. But the more the better. To make it more possible for the population in general to move up in the world in terms of ‘wealth’ education is the key. Education gives the tools neeeded to help us obtain a higher standard of living! Because everyone deserves that hand up, I do believe in a free education at all levels. It will take generations to overcome the attitudes, misunderstandings, and false narratives that exist today. The goal is to become a society that is color-blind, equal as humanly possible, humane, non-discriminitory, non-violent, loving, and helpful to our neighbors. Our society should support life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness. And in my mind, just to be 100% clear, that includes universal health care, free education along with some other stuff that society does not do for itself. And this is part of my point-I said, “not do for itself.” So many people complain about socialism and how it supports ‘the other guy.’ It does support the other guy, but it you supporting yourself as well. Your taxes will go just as far in taking care of your health, you and your families education, housing, or whatever as much more as that of the other guy. It really does fill the description of: paying ones way. So, this is why I posted this graphic, because I believe it is true. As far as I am concerned there is NO debate.

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Watched the Biden Townhall Tonight

For whatever it is worth at this late date, and I doubt its worth much to anyone.  If Joe Biden wins, I will accept him as my President.  I will love it.  Is he perfect no.  He’s an old white man, and in general as I see it they need to go.  But, he seems to be sincere in what he wants to accomplish, he’s trying to look out for all peoples –there is a lot of goodwill in the vibes he sends out.  I believe he is sincere about what he say and I believe he hit a home run tonight in the Townhall. 

I loved his answer about what his Justice Department would be like.  He is right, his job is to delegate, to lead, set an example — pull people together.   

I do wish he were younger.  But, I believe that if Harris shadows him enough, if something goes wrong, not only can she handle the job — she’ll do it very, very well. 
I have no qualms about voting for either of them.  Not at this junction of time.

Perhaps if it was Biden against George Washington I’d have some issue with Biden. 
That hypothetical is just a tad out there, but I am sure you get the point.

It is a crazy, crazy time with a President who adds nothing to the mix but more
and more disturbance.   A germ that simply won’t go away and discriminates against no one.  So many people looking at a future of homelessness, food insecurity, and more.
Throw on to the mix a willingness of the Republicans to just throw health coverage for millions of people out the window.

I am a registered independent.  I had a tendency to vote Republican most of my adult life.  But, at this point in the heart, I am a Democrat.  A Progressive Democrat.  There is no doubt that I will probably vote mostly Democrat the rest of my life. 

Go Joe!!! 

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