You know this angry white man thing has just got to go.
I do not remember realizing this before. But, white men have enslaved others for hundreds of years (if not thousands). Slavery still exists. We partake almost anytime we buy a piece of clothing from Walmart. Who reaps those riches: white men, for the most part. Men– probably of all colors, but especially the Anglo Saxon race is guilty of abusing those who are weaker than themselves. This includes their ‘old ladies’.
I was just writing a note to a friend. And my mind went through steps making one association after another. The reality is today’s angry white man can’t stand the idea of ‘socialism.’ They do not feel obligated in the least to help their fellow human. As far as I am concerned, the Republicans are proving that on a daily basis. They have zero compassion.
White men (and sometimes all men) have been doing unfathomable damage for eons when it comes to humanity in general. It turns a little personal here— I was married to two angry white men. (One of them has turned around for the most part) One was very abusive. I have made no secret about what I have lived with in my childhood and in my first ‘marriage’. I did not know until my late 40s/early 50s that I was having trouble holding jobs because of PTSD. I knew that I looked for certain enviroments. I knew if I did not have the protection I felt I needed that I would not take the job, or in the end, I’d walk off. I have worked almost my entire adult life to basically keep my back against the wall where I felt comfortable and able to watch the move of everyone around me in all situations: work and social. Sit in the back of the building, and watch the doors. I kept track of every body. I knew who was in the bathrooms and when.
A person who is so hypervigilant over themselves and children end up pretty exhausted both physically and emotionally. The bottom line–I worked so often and so long on the record that I can not collect social security of my own EVER. Otherwise, I would be because physically and emotionally I qualify for SSDI.
This situation, while I have worked hard to figure it out and move beyond it has affected me so badly that I will live with the fall out (consequences) the rest of my life. Unless I have a miracle happen, my old age, especially if I were to loose Clyde, is going to be pretty poor in terms of finances. (I’m not whining, I’m making a point). My point is that, angry white men did the damage. I’m far from the only woman out there living with the fall out. My point is that white men have NO right to be angry. None whatsoever. They owe us something! Angry white Republicans say “NO Socialism” yet, how will the government take care of it’s “damaged” female citizens. In general what happens now is these women do the best they can, but become lifers on the sytem. Believe me, I know, these women eventually have to give up their pride and end up on TANAF, Food Stamps, and state insurance. When they’ve been on TANAF too long, then they work as they can and focus on paying the rent. At least some of us remain on Food Stamps and state insurance to help round out the life–because to keep the family healthy as is possible. Don’t forget kids are at least a 20 year or so obligation. Women’s capacity to provide for their family which has is dimished by virtue of the fact that they are female and raised in a certain frame of mind is on the table first and formost. Add in abuse that come down to a diagnosis of PTSD (in my case, CPTSD) further dimisnishes their ability to provide and all of this sets up a cycle that continues and is shared with the next generation. But, here women like myself sitting out there. Doing what we can do. Really in some way really just flailing through life and doing the best we can–with little to no support from anyone. Many of us get rejected by our own families and friends they thought they could count on. And white men are angry? How this ties into socialism is this:
First consider that social security is an idea that was set up in German first. Socialist Germany. We did nothing more than steal or borrow the idea from them! That’s just the fact. Not all socialism is a bad thing.
2. Consider the millions of women who are in the same condition that I am in. Where will we turn? Again to what they have available social programs, in my case, social security, whatever I get , will be a critical life line for me, as will social security. But, oh wait, Socialism is a bad thing!!! I hear of talk of getting rid of Social security even today out of the Republicans.
I feel at this point that I am owed to a certain degree. I have lived with a LOT of damage over the years. I have struggled in ways that people don’t even know about and I could have even voiced it at the time because people don’t always have the names needed to explain things. I need “social” programs to survive. And all of this was and is basically through no fault of my own. I was raised in such a way that I would do nothing more but look for abusive husbands until I became conscious enough to learn about the subject and and begin the process of getting past it. It takes years and years both to wake up and to move past the crap.
-So these angry white men can just scream “no socialism” and they can stay angry. But, what I want if they want to do is this:
-Realize that what they are trying to dismantle is a mess that they themselves constructed.
-That their victims are in need of assistance.
-That they have no right to be angry—they are STILL at the top of the pile (Of you know what). Or the top of the food chain, however you prefer to see it.
-They need to realize that their anger is not justified in the least and really what their anger is nothing more than pouting and a temper tantrum because they themselves are finally loosing control to people who are “waking up” and standing up for their rights.
-True socialism as it is meant to be used in conjunction with Democracy works around the world. The idea in practice puts every day people at the top, and people in those countries are regularly named on lists as the happiest people in the world.
-Angry white men will need the system eventually, then they will understand. But, until them. People need the help and always will as long as people exist. Period.
One last point—I have learned over the years that what some would consider “damaged” in a person, another might consider a strength. It might be one most people do not recognize–but in order to survive it all women in similar situations have to realize that they are survivors, that the survivorship creates are strong and capable ladies. We learn to make our way the best way we can. I have labeled myself ‘damaged’ in this piece only to make a point. I am beyond sitting with my back against the walls now. I have pushed myself into social situations and purposely worked to break the habit of hypervigilance. If anything I see myself as fairly lazy about it all these days. I am quite aware of the strength it took for me and other women to leave their situations after being beat down and to slowly, surely rise up in skill, in the way we carry ourselves, eventually holding our heads up. Of course it’s a struggle, and yes, sometimes it can still be. But, I know my capabitlities today. I’m really smart. I am really conscious. I am very aware. I am strong. I nearly always see the glass half FULL. I believe in most people. I am capable of thought (contrary to what I was told by my ex husband who told me I was uncapable of making any sort of decision). More than anything else—what has really carried me through everything, is that I am fighter. If you knock me down–eventually, I come out swinging. My goal is always to move up and better myself.
I’m not done yet! I have learned that words matter. I’ve learned that I am good with them. Obviously, that is where I have taken the fight.
— 20 Dec 2020
