In this case, it is, all about Me.

Peggy Ann Rowe-Snyder

Alvin C. Rowe

note: the person I am directing this to, knows exactly who she is.

I do not sit in a public office, nor am I running for any public office; therefore, I have the right say this: anything I say on my Facebook page is really not up for debate. I am entitled to my opinions, and I can express my truth and I am allowed to do so with the freedom of knowledge that I am safe and protected. 
I absolutely use my page to educate….I absolutely use it for a bully pulpit or soap box. There is too much MISinformation about what abused children go through. What they live through and the consequences are disheartening for anyone who bothers to really, really look. I absolutely use my page to send thoughts out to the universe and to ANYONE who will listen about *my* experiences because they might just help some mom who was in the same spot I was in. It is tough to stand up to family. It is really, really HARD to drag yourself out of denial. As a matter of fact, some people utterly fail to ever let go of their denial of the truth. There is a lot of evidence of that in my very own family.

I’ve been there, and done that, and still bounce back and forth. The pain in my life, will never stop. It might get duller, but it will NEVER go away. Due to what my step father did, due to what my mother did, I lost my daughter a long, long time ago. (also due to ex husband who took her and ran and hid for six years). That is the truth. *IF* I can help ONE person, ONE, then what I have been through is worth it. Therefore, just know, if you don’t like what I say, if you don’t agree, which is your right, the ‘unfriend’ button is in your upper right.

Have you ever noticed that I do not go onto your page and say anything about anything at all? I do that for a reason. I’m not out there running my mouth that way—hurting people, and I am letting them have their say in peace. Do I disagree with people? Sure, I do. But I have enough sense of boundaries to let people say what they wish, it’s called FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

Your mother, is a big, big girl and she is fully capable of taking care of herself, and you getting onto my page and announcing who you are and then saying how proud you are of being neutral and then asserting that there are two sides or more to every story, is a very underhanded way to tell my friends that I am NOT telling the truth.

Do you believe my friends are so stupid that they need you to tell them I am a liar?

I have friends who think that President Trump (yours not mine) is the best thing since peanut butter and jelly… and they say so often. I have friends that are so racist that they call the women in the “squad” ‘Blackheads’….and they think this is ok, and if they were not close to 90 years old and very, very fragile, I’d probably take them aside quietly and let them know how wrong they are. But, I do not go on their page and tell them they are wrong, nor do I preach on their page. For the most part I ignore their pages (and yours) because that way I am not tempted to post what I disagree with.

It is a matter of respect for them and their opinions. It is good boundaries. It allows me to stay friends with good people, who I often feel are quite confused.

You can have all the opinions you want about what I say. You do NOT have the right to express your opinions on *MY* Facebook page. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, if you don’t like what I say then by all means take me off your friends list. I will understand. But, don’t you dare ever again, very nicely tell me off or tell my friends in an underhanded way how wrong I am. I am not wrong!

I can have anyone for a friend that I want. And you have NOTHING to say about it. You should have never said a word about Joan being on my friends list. It’s NONE of your business. If you want to talk to me about YOUR MOTHER then let’s do it elsewhere. Because I’m done…. With this sticky sweet, back handed way of you saying, “you are wrong, Peggy” when I know damn good and well that I am not.

And I know I’m coming off strong and I’m doing it on purpose. You have upped the ante on things we disagree on for the last time. You are not going to say something ‘strong’ to me and get me to back down anymore. I’m tired of being bullied down by people and that includes by you.

And if you take the time to really think about it. And if you are capable of being truthful with yourself. Then you will realize that you do try to shut me down and you do try to get me to see things in a way that you deem proper and right. It will never happen, and no amount of debate is going to change that.

Mom doesn’t need you to run to her defense, and I’m sorry that is exactly what you were doing. Don’t do all these things and then bother to tell me to smile more. I am a person who HURTS, and the hurt is lifelong and lasting. And it is because I come from a sick and twisted family. That is my truth. And you MUST live with it. Even if you never speak to me again, I will still always hold that opinion and you will always know it.

So, let me voice my opinion as is my right. Let me do it without you trying to put me in a place where you want to control the spin—because when you do this, you show people who you really are. You don’t make me look any worse.

Basically, if you can’t say anything nice, and really mean it…. then don’t say it. Not on *MY* page. Because from now on, anything you say on my page, that I do not like, or I feel goes beyond appropriate boundaries (as defined by MY BOUNDARIES, NOT YOURS) I will delete.

Last note: It is not a “MISTAKE” when a man purposely runs over a dog on I-5 to get back a person he is angry with. That is sick, and it is called a sadistic act. Want to know the difference between your mother and father? He said he was sorry, but he never said what he was sorry for. So guess what? I get to fill in the blanks…

I’m sorry I scared you so bad when I purposely ran over the dog. That was wrong on so many levels.

I”m sorry I told you that you deserved to die and threatened you with that great big knife. (that was no mistake either)

I’m sorry I hit you so many times, being back handed by a big powerful man must have really hurt.

I’m sorry that I told you that you’d if you had any brains you’d take them out and play with them. I did not know how demeaning that was or how it would set you up for a dud of a marriage with a man just like me.

I’m sorry that I force fed you foods that you didn’t like. I should have never held you down, forced your mouth open, and crammed anything down your throat. The message I sent through those actions are horrible, and had I thought, I’d never done that to any child, let alone my own.

I’m sorry I sent dishes sailing over you and your sisters and your mother’s head. That them breaking against the wall upset you so bad. You and Pam were so little. I know that had to scare you really bad. I hope you remember that your mom was holding your hand. I can look back and see now that I had one hell of an anger issue. I know I passed some of that on to you. I know there were times when I really screwed up.

I’m sorry, Peggy, that I ever hurt you. As my child you deserved better than that. Please remember that I worked hard to provide for you, your sister and your mother. Please remember that I raised you in a way that I knew and was familiar with. When I was a kid, and we didn’t want a kitten we threw it in a gunny sack and tossed it in a river. Life was tough—so I had to get tougher. All I ever wanted was to make sure you knew how to take care of yourself. I can see now, that I went about in a not so quite right way.

Remember when I sang to you, your sister, and your mother…I really meant, “You are my sunshine.”

I remember when you did my hair. Your sister and you—you put a dozen barrettes in my hair. My hair went every which way…. I bet I made one good lookin’ woman. You girls sure had fun…you giggled and you giggled. I guess, daddy was pretty funny looking, huh?

I hope you remember being cuddled. We sat together often in my big ol’ recliner. Once you became big enough to be a real person, I wasn’t so afraid to hold you.

—————-   Thirty years later, and your mother is still incapable of “I’m sorry”

And yes, I usually talk to my kids like that.


About PeggyAnn

Professional PC Consultant, Researcher, & avid people watcher, Peggy Ann Rowe started into her genealogical quest at age 15 after watching the mini-series, "Roots" with her parents. This new obsession has fueled her love of history, & study of cultures & societies in every epoch. Today she is 57 years old with four kids who are all grown up (& all have flown the coop). In between her 'gigs' with clients she volunteered at many different non-profits. Former President, Secretary, and Director at Large on the board of the Douglas County Historical Society for 10+ years, and former Secretary at the Cloverdale Historical Society (Sonoma County) for nearly 10 years. This website is an attempt to share the knowledge she has gained about her family ties with others who may be interested in the same things. She does not guarantee 100% accuracy and does hope that you will send corrections. To learn more about her, click the "about" button in the page menu. Thanks! Another goal of this website is to disseminate a message (i.e. education) about domestic violence, child abuse, and all forms of sexual abuse to society at large. The message comes from real experience from the whole spectrum of the violence from sexual abuse by a perpetrator to sexual abuse perpetrated by a husband, to the abuse of children within the family. Peggy has seen it, lived it, and been hurt by it. There will on occasion be details that might be hard for some people to read, and a warning is usually posted at the beginning of the essay so that those who want to turn and not read may do so. The only way to teach and to let others learn what to avoid is to SHARE what happened with every detail necessary to make the point. Thank you.
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