Dedicated to those who are both a mother and child….
Today I Danced My Own Dance
Then the yesterdays came,
and then they fluttered away….
while they were here,
I gave them a glance…
In one yesterday,
I was a princess,
who was loved, given the gift of joy.
In another,
I was a nothing,
something to be wadded up
and thrown away.
There was another yesterday,
where I was a protector
of one so young and meek.
I felt powerful
I was able to grow in uncountable ways….
After that day of wonder,
I was beaten,
and it was in every way-
My self-esteem, my energies —
everything was gone astray.
Then came another day,
I often see as a yesterday,
I pulled myself up,
dusted myself off,
told myself I’d live,
and love,
and then…
I chose selflessness, love.
I chose completion, education, resolution.
I chose growth, as opposed to stagnation.
Unlike those who live in
and stay stuck in the dark,
In fact,
I did choose to not live with you
in the state of bitterness.
And yesterday,
it was quite clear
that you, regardless of
my station in life,
expected me to sit down, shut up,
and do as I was told.
That was truly my betrayal.
Clearly, I could not mind.
Clearly, I could not follow direction,
The threats did not stymie me.
That must have left you filled with fear.
But, I kept dancin’ my dance,
I thought for myself,
and lived for mine,
and your threats could not stop
my protection of one so little and frail.
Yesterday,
I was true to me.
True to my beliefs.
True to my view of the world.
True to my precepts…
I lived the best I knew,
While you acted as jury and judge,
And you stayed mighty and angry
on that bitter seat.
You may have it
if that is how you are pleased,
honestly, I’ll never understand it.
Myself, I could not stand to live in that cave.
Somewhere along the line,
I grew up,
and I danced my dance.
But, you still saw a little girl.
The same little rebel you saw when
I was all of three–
the one you wished aloud
would get even with myself,
when mine turned into me.
And yet, the little rebel
she danced her little dance.
How sad it must be to stay
stuck in the past,
and live with such anger
and bitterness…
That you can’t enjoy
watching your own
dance their own dance,
and spin all around.
How hard it must be…
To leave that painful welt alone…
I can see how the blood letting might
actually, help.
That is,
if you can’t leave it alone.
Someday, maybe you will see,
that only I can see what I can be.
Only I can sing my tune,
Only I can dance my dance.
You can enjoy the music with me.
We can take turns and sing.
But, the only person who can take
my step, is me.
Threatening a person was never a way to be.
I’d been there and done that, and
all the while–all I had to learn
was to walk through my fear….
What I had not known was that
I had already done it over and over,
and in the process,
I had developed my little dance,
during one or more of those
yesterdays….
when you were not watching.
Or perhaps
when you
could not see.
I had learned to dance my little dance…
and so each day,
I still dance my little dance
And I try to be happy
Because life goes on and it
waits for absolutely nobody
I want to splash in the waves
and run in the sand
I want to dance my dance
and be threatened by
none….
