American Politics 7/31/2020

 

Had a family member send a link to some political stuff.  Left leaning which is ok. I am just so overwhelmed with emotion about the state of our nation that I am having trouble absorbing anything new now.  For those who give a damn, I never voted for Trump, I never wanted him to win.  I have considered him a predator for years before he became professional politician. 

Years ago, I heard claims from his (now ex) wife that he was guilty of domestic violence. Years ago, I saw a photo of him sitting on a bed with a teenaged girl who was not his child.  Years ago, I learned that the photo was taken at Jeffery Epstiens private island where sexcapades run amock and children are used as if they are an object to be (sexually) used and then tossed away.   In the photo both parties are appropriately dressed, there is nothing really bad about it.  Except to say that a grown man is sitting on a bed with a young teenage girl.  But, said man has never been into the sales of mattresses or bedding, so what the hell?  Maybe if was his daughter he was visiting in her room, saying good night or something.  But it wasn’t.  Those stories from long ago lay dormant for a long time.  The man was beyond any sphere of reality that I lived in.  Then came the Steele Dossier.   I’m sorry but with the things I’ve seen and heard about the man over the years, why question the dossier regardless of how nuts it sounds.  The man has a history and it’s just not pretty.  He is a predator.  

I have been trying to enlighten people about this for four years now.  He is probably a child molester.  He is racist.  He is misogynist… do I really need to go on? I have been asking people for four years (or more) if that daughter in that photo was YOUR DAUGHTER would you still feel the same way about him?  What if your daughter was the one he “grabbed by the pussy.”  No one  that I have met and leans right will even seriously entertain it.

Let’s just sum this up like so many already have — the man is a walking talking mental and emotional wreck with no capacity for compassion, empathy, love, or anything else.  It’s all about him, and the almighty dollar.  He doesn’t give a rats ass about YOU! So, why did you vote him in?  It’s a real question?!

So, I got this link, and I’m overwhelmed and another cousin answers the original post: “I vehemently disagree as I’m full right republican.”  Of course this cousin is entitled to this opinion.  I can’t say I understand it in the least at this point, but she can have it, I won’t stand in her way.  

But, I wrote an answer.  And the answer was written from the passenger side of a moving car so it was sloppy and grammatically incorrect.  So, I have cleaned it up, and am posting it for the Ethernet, or perhaps the Othernet…or perhaps the Awefulnet, maybe even the Ly’ngNet.   It will digitally reside on my Facebook account, my blog, and the Twitter post that I answered:   

“What I see & recognize is that we have a man in power who is blatantly gas lighting the nation. Who has now floated the idea of postponing an election because he doesn’t want to loose. With right wingers so stuck in their position that they cant see the forest for the trees. I am sickened by the dysfunction of America. At this point I want to cry every day when I see on the news what white supremacists are doing in the name of God & Country.

Those who support the rights of others (Trump & crew) are in denial of what is really going on out there (in the world), AND support this predator, who now parades as POTUS… need to examine themselves & their beliefs.” 

I have seen the election of this power monger not as a political issue.  I have seen it as a moral issue.  When is it ok for anyone with no sort of moral code ok for a job that requires a moral code?  Christian friends have literally said to me, “Yes, He’s an ass, but he’s doing what I want him to do.”  Friends that is about as morally hypocritical as one can be.   This is precisely where I decided that people on the right really need to examine themselves inwardly at the beliefs they hold. ” They will find that they are able to justify the worst in human behaviors.

A few days ago I disagreed with a friend from high school.  Her remarks were obviously angry.   Immigration was the hot topic.  She is a very right leaning “Christian”.  She leans on her said Christianity,  and yet she spouts the hate like some regurgitating bird–   

 

So what if her immigrant ancestors came here legally.  Nearly all of them came here and mistreated others– call them what you will but the mistreated were people and they ethnicity varied: African,  South American, Mexican, Middle Eastern, Jewish, Russian, American Indian, Irish.  

Our country has participated in and helped to virtually exterminate a race of many clans of people we call today “American Indians.”  These clans spoke different languages, had their own civilized culture, art, spirituality, rules for the home, marriage, hunt, etc.  Maybe we didn’t understand their culture, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.   Where do we get off claiming our people came “legally” when they were not capable of treating someone deemed below them with kindness and compassion?  Were your Ancestors ETHICALLY living their lives?  Did they show benevolence,  the Christian promise of love and compassion that you espouse and can not even follow yourself? 

The friends argument spewed of white entitlement, and there is NO RIGHT to white entitlement!  We came, and we conquered! What do we deserve for that??!!!!!  Yes, many white people worked hard to help build this nation.  But a good percentage of this nation was built by either enslaved people or people who were treated so poorly, paid so little that the reality is they were enslaved.  When one looks at it as I see it then immigration ceases to be a political issue.  It is a moral issue.  It is a humanity issue.  It is a question of are you going to treat these souls with kindness and compassion or are you going to toss them away like some piece of worn out shoe leather?  Yes, our culture is still under paying people, using them, and tossing them away.  Spitting on them because they come from South of the Border!

 

Btw, a little note. When you offer these words, “I never enslaved anyone, why should I pay?” You are in your way justifying your ancestors behaviors. Racism is most definitely alive and well in our country.

 

This is the fundamental problem I have with the right at the moment.  When they decided as a whole to back a predator they lost me, period.  Then as I became more educated and started applying the ethics that I want to run my life by (again) I found that I have probably been incompatible with the right wingers for my entire adult life.  As a young person I misunderstood what all the parties stood for, I guess, and I mislabeled myself. I have lived a life incompatible with who I have always really been.  Trump was just my make or break moment with the right wingers.  Their support for him, and his racism, his woman hating way, his classism, his looking down on the common people– broke my support for them.  They will never get me back.  I do not see them as the party of the people.  Not that any other party is perfect, but at least there are parties that are far more supportive of regular, hardworking, people.  

So, I closed my statement on Twitter with this, “Now I am done with this conversation because I don’t want to loose family.”  And simply put I do NOT want to loose family, nor friends, nor anyone else that I think might be important to me regardless of the reason. But, the sad, sad truth is, at least in my mind, is if you support a predator — then even if you are family, I really can’t support you.  And that is simply the truth.  

As a mother of a child who was hurt by a predator.  As a woman who was married to a predator.  As a child myself, who grew up under the thumb of a sadistic father — I can not support anyone ever who supports any predator —be that person male or female (or other), –be that person black or white, –friend or foe, –family or not.    If you support a predator then there is something dysfunctional about you and your thinking.  It is time for you to re examine your theories, your beliefs, your logic…call it what you will—but it’s never ok to support a bad guy.  Trump is a really BAD guy.  

That is my line in the sand.  I’m done with my rant now.  I’m going back to my corner where I am safe.  I am lying low in more than one way now.  This stuff this country is going through is really tearing me into pieces emotionally.  I do not need it. 

A "normal" post

A “normal” post. The Emperor has no clothes on.

Posted in Children's Rights, Culture, Elitism, History, Just Jabber, Political Crap, Politics, Prejudice, Racism, Rights, Sexual Assault, Uncategorized, White Supremacy, Women's Rights | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Of all the things I miss the most….

I really do miss my kids the most. 

Was talking to my other half last night.  About what the kids do not understand about me.
At this point in my life, I do not want to be critical of them.  I do not want to correct them.
I do not want any sort of confrontations over anything.  I have been at this point in my relationships with them for a long, long time now.  

Health plays into why I feel this way.  I’ve had a known heart condition since I was 43.  Obviously it didn’t just all of a sudden happen.  I’d been living with it almost my entire life.  
So, when I said I was tired I wasn’t tired like a normal person, I was tired like a person with a heart issue.  I do not have energy to criticize, manipulate, be demanding, point out someone’s faults.  In general if I like you we will have a friendship (or whatever applies).  If I do not like you, I will put up with your presence if I must.  But, if you are not a necessity in my life (say you do not sit on the same board of directors I do) then, if I do not like you, I simply do not have anything to do with you.  That simple.  There are no confrontations, no lies, no tears, no manipulations.  I just don’t call you or make any pretense of caring in the least. You were zapped out of my life, because frankly, I’m too tired for the negativity that you have a tendency to saddle onto other people.  This is in general, and pertains, not at all to my kids.  

A reason that a couple of the kids grew up, or grew older thinking I was stupid enough to not see how I was being lied to or manipulated. Is probably that I let way too much slide with no consequences.  When you have had a child “kidnapped” and kept from you for six years, and then are reunited after those years what it comes down to, is that you don’t know the kid anymore, and the kid doesn’t know you anymore.  Everything has to be rebuilt. 

From a parents point of view, mine at least, what that meant was holding my tongue about many things and letting many things happen under my watch that I did not like or want happening in my home.  This was because I did not want confrontation with my kid.  What might have been a normal child/parent spat could easily been turned into a kid running away from a situation where she was safe at least and getting in over her head out in the world. 

I did not want her boyfriends sleeping over.  I did not like that she kept a knife hidden in her boot.  I did not like it when she pulled a knife when a “boyfriend” and were fighting.  I did not like her foul language, nor her lack of participation within the family.  She sat in her room a lot.  She helped some.  But, mostly she was detached, arrogant, very opinionated.  She forgot who the top dog of the house was, and it was not her.  I never said any of this to her. 
I never wanted the relationship to run afoul.  I had my kid back after six year of hell not knowing where she was or if she was ok, hell, didn’t even know all the time if she was alive. 
It was one of the hardest times of my life.  Why would I want to judge her, make her feel bad about anything, or even try to correct her.  Because I could see the potential loss on the other side of the fence and I had no reason to want to go there.  

 Most kids lie, manipulate, and do other stuff at times.  The problem is that most the time same said kids outgrow it.   I really don’t give a damn what they do outside of my sight and hearing.  Natural consequences will eventually come heaping down upon a mean, angry, or manipulative person.  In one way or another one always pays the piper.  Karma can be a real bitch.

One of my kids, borrowed $600 from a friend.  Not even a boyfriend. Has made no attempt to pay it back.  I am fairly sure she has lost him as a friend.  As far as I could tell he was a better friend to her than her boyfriend was.  I talked to her gently, suggested even if she paid a little bit consistently every so often, it would be better than nothing.  I don’t think she has any intention of it.  It is hard to see this and realize that children I raised have no real sense of ethics or even common decency.  That was a huge loan for a 19/20 year old to make. He deserved much better treatment than he got from her.  Even a thank you card would have showed some class!!!

All I really want to do is love them.  I don’t want to see, and I do not want to know.  They are all adults now.  I’ve done my best.  The best thing I could do for myself at this point is to move far, far, far away.  The point is I am not sure I like my kids enough to even have a mother/kid relationship with them anymore.  It all is incredibly painful. Family can be who we choose it to be.  Two of them have divorced me.  I probably should just divorce them all.  We are not compatible in the least. I don’t want any of them taking care of me in my old age.  I want loving people around me who are supportive.  I don’t want any strings attached like–if I do something immoral or unethical, mom, you have to look away and never say a word to anyone, EVER.  That is the unspoken command. 

So, I am making it really clear, within my purview, I just do not want to see it or hear it.  All I want from my kids is to love them, and for them to love me.  I don’t think that I could really be anymore clear.  

My youngest can’t keep her space clean to save her life.  It gets dangerous, in my view.  She’s at home again.  I told her the other day, I’d give her back her bedroom if she could keep her space clean.  Not that I am expecting a whole lot, but better than it is.  As it stands she is now living in an old RV that we bought to refurbish for us, the parents–for alone time.  

This old RV has had the floors replaced, linoleum and carpet put down.  New bed.  New curtains that I made myself.  Customized for he and I.  Packed with stuff for the family.  There is no room for our stuff in there anymore.  She doesn’t like my curtains.  But, she won’t keep it clean either.  We have had this discussion many times over the years, and over the years its generally the same excuse, “I’m just so busy, I have no time…”   It’s not her property, and she has no time. I want to love her unconditionally – but she’s not keeping my space clean.  Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t do much around here.  She was told to have a dog here she’d have to help maintain the yard—meaning help with crap duty.  I’ve told her it was “her turn” once….and she’s done it once.  The kids take what they want.  They don’t seem to understand that they are using other people’s private energies and resources.  And no, parents were not put on Earth to use and abuse.  And then toss away when child disapproves of a parents challenged opinions about them.   Especially when the opinions are about choices that they made within the sight of their parents, or on their parents property, or with their parents property.  

My son has actually entered upon a civilized state in his life.  It still kind of cracks me up when he thinks that I am so stupid that he will pay me back a few bucks he owes me and then ask me to run to the store and get him a mop with my money like he’s doing me some big favor.  I can laugh about it because he’s had so many issues, been down a hard road, suffers with mental illness, and a developmental delay.  He’s done all the drugs on Earth I think.  Basically over dosed his mother – purposely.  Tried to overdose his little sister.  He’s been to jail a few times.  Other half and I were “missing” for a few days.  He grabbed the keys to the jeep and asked a friend with a license to drive it to help search for us.  Friend abused said Jeep which was a major love of other half’s life.  Totaled out the Jeep. $1800 later, it was still not fixed and usable.  Said Jeep is gone.  Other half will probably never forgive or forget.  But, his stance has softened some.  My son hasn’t done a lot that I’m proud of.  But, as other half has seen, he’s done a 180, and I feel that perhaps love can overcome all.  Time of course will tell.  But, of the four, these two above mentioned kids (2 of 4) hold the most promise.  They are the (youngest &) kindest kids that I have.  That is not saying much, I know.  

Back to the missing part…. for a moment:  Friend who tore up the Jeep tried to convince son that his parents were indeed dead and that he needed to just get over it already.  Oh by the way, open up the gun safe.  I want those guns.  See for some reason, even the kids’ friends think they can walk all over us.  

And that is not to say that the kids don’t try to over run each other.  During the “missing” episode, son tried to maneuver a friend in to ‘rent’ –basically take over the house payments in order to guarantee himself a roof over his head.  Which left one minor child out in the cold.  Oldest decided, I guess, that they would both stay in the house and pay her rent.  Which I find incredible considering we’d never talked about what us parents wanted done in the house in more recent times at least.  She’d been diagnosed with MS.  It had been decided she’d have no responsibility for ANYTHING once we were gone.  Nothing.  Apparently she tried to convince the younger siblings that she was the only heir to the other half (the only “LEGAL” heir)–as I understand it. She got everything.  Ho ho ho.  She gets nothing at this point.  Neither of the two oldest get anything more than a dollar, so that we can acknowledge their legal presence and acknowledge no premise of a gift or legacy.  When you are treated like shit, you have a tendency to want to give your stuff to a non-profit who will sell it and do some good with the money.   Current plan.  

The two oldest, just think, I guess that they think they are pretty smart.  I of course, never had a clue that when I asked them to clean the bathroom for me that they did not.  They stuffed a bunch of stuff and called it clean.  I said, “Thank you” anyway.  I just want to love them.  One of them manipulated us (by lying to us) into letting a boyfriend stay for a bit.  Turned out he was a registered sex offender and he was around my two minor children.  Said child has no clue how lucky she is that we even had a thing to do with her after that.  For her to tell me that I should cut my son loose was not only hard nosed, and hard hearted, it was severely hypocritical.  We all make mistakes.  None of us, if we are humans, living on Earth — are angels. 

All I want is to love them, and for them to love me.  I and their (adoptive) father have over looked a lot over the years.  A lot of hurt gets caused by a mouth that is so loose with anger and condemnation.  Lack of respect.. Under normal circumstances it’s all good as long as they get what they want.  There are no discussions about anything–they demand, we are to fall in with the request.  I’m sorry that is just not how families work.  Discussion is the main format for getting what one wants.  But the discussion has to be calm, respectful, non-threatening, non-manipulative to the best of your humanly ability.    At least one of my children is not capable of that, not with me at least. 

Last communication from her basically said: “watch what you say, or I’ll cut you off forever.”
The truth is, that I told her the truth, and she called me a liar and then cut me off.  That was no threat she threw at me.  It was a promise.  A foreshadowing of what her intended next behavior was going to be.  It did not matter what I would have said.  I could have said, “I love you” and she would have still cut me off.  Over the years, I have told many people that she is cold, calculating and cut throat.  I meant every word. People have known for years that I was scared of her.  She did not know it.  But, that does not mean it wasn’t the truth.  She is a person that I NEVER want to have a face to face confrontation with.  I consider her a physical danger to myself and anyone else she is angry with.  It does not help that at age 15/16 the kid came up behind me and hit me in the middle of the back as hard as she could.  She literally knocked the breath out of me.  I never understood why. It has never been explained.  She was definitely old enough, whatever her age to know better.  I pretty much ignored it.  But that doesn’t mean I did not feel it, and that there were no consequences.  The consequences have been alive and well all these years.  I have watched my tongue.  I have worked over time to not say a word that went against hers.  I avoided any sort of confrontation like the plague.  She bought books for my youngest about Wicca.  Did I approve?  No, not in the least.  I took them quietly and put them away.  Recently they were disposed of.  I never, EVER gave them to youngest, nor did I speak of them to her.  Life is confusing enough—she didn’t need to study witchcraft. 

I have watched them all grow up.  Have been greatly disappointed actually.  When is it ever ok to tell a child that they can abuse their biological parent, but not another adult in the family?  It is only ok when you really want to stir the pot, poison the well…the goal I guess, create more havoc, keep people from seeing the truth by distracting them with other issues.  I don’t know, it’s all just a guess.  I have a child who could not tell the truth if she wanted to.  She takes a lot after a paternal grandmother.  I think she probably has an undiagnosed mental health issue.  Like her father, who does not believe there is a such thing as mental illness, she’d rather not see a therapist or psychologist because “I like who I am.”  Liking yourself can be an issue to treat or not treat, but it doesn’t have to be the reason for the therapy at all.  It can be totally 1000% beside the point.  But that this is how she cut me off-she did not want to hear about it. So, I shut up. 

How does one really like oneself when they know they are a liar?  When they know they can be violent?  When they must know how angry they really are?  When they know they manipulate other people to get what they want?  When they use people around them so much, that the people end up so angry that they are sorry they ever lent a hand at all to the kid?  When she lived with us, she agreed to pay her part of the electric bill.  She then ordered a lot of electronics.  A brand new laptop for one.  The amount of the electric bill went unpaid and she basically lived off our resources for free until she got a job.  When she did get a job after a few paychecks she was asked for some money.  She snapped at her father, “you’ll get it when I get it.”  The choices SHE made created the issue. But, he is the one that got his feelings hurt.  I will tell you, he does not forget.  He really doesn’t forgive.  And paying for gas money to get yourself to the job in your mom’s vehicle isn’t doing your mom or dad any favors.  It’s just what you are supposed to do.  None of what was done made the kid look any better in “daddy’s” eyes.  

And I live with this stuff.  I literally stuff the stuff.  Because all I ever wanted to do was love my kids.  I do not want to be negative.  I do not want to point out my misgivings and their bad points.   I want to be loving, supportive, a cheer leader of sorts.  Mom’s can be really good at that, and having come to that conclusion helped me to let go and let them grow up and leave without much contention. 

I am a really good person who has worked over time to treat others with kindness and generosity..  I have worked hard for a living, kept up with men.  Put blisters on my feet walking around a mall, keeping things spotless so that I could hold the job and feed my kids, pay the rent, put gas in the car so that I could go out and do it all again the next day.  I’ve held up to three jobs at a time.  I did this all with a heart condition.  I ran all over myself for those kids because I loved them and wanted to do my best for them.  

As a child I was abused and walked all over by my father.

As a young married woman I was abused and walked all over by my first husband and then a “boyfriend” after that.  Not that in reality, I actually considered him a boyfriend very long. He gave the kids the example of being very manipulative, a liar, and so on.  I could not get rid of him soon enough, but he held on and continued to try to manipulate the situation to stay.  It became a grand power struggle.   

Now, my kids have watched all the examples and have decided that I can tow the line with them.  The message I get from them is that they get  do as they please, including to lie, and manipulate and all I have to do is look away. 

Really? That is what I want to do!  But ethically, I can not when ANY child is involved. My kids know this by heart.

I have to let them create a whole new pig sty on my property, if I say a word, they will leave because I am the one who mean.  Sneak out in the middle of the night in tears as if they were the victim.  When all I did was ask said kid to clean up her room.  She was 18/19 at the time.  Rephrase: I’ve been asking you for years to keep your space clean.  You are old enough to do this.  Your room is a fire hazard and is not safe (literally)–not to mention it would draw in rodents.  Clean it or get out.   That was the reality.  She actually choose to leave, in tears, the victim.   Really??!!  

The price I pay is that the kids think they have the power to cut me off, and I will fall to.  What they do not know is that mom has a limit.  The hurt has been great enough, that someday, when all ducks are in a row, they will no longer have to give mom or dad so much as a thought.  They will have no address, no phone number, no clue.  And mom will be so happy to not have to look away, or be disappointed, unloved, used, manipulated and lied to. (or lied about). Sounds like a pretty good trade off to me!

Fool me into letting a sex offender to stay in my home and expect absolutely no hard feelings or consequences?  

I have apologized for their terrible childhoods at least a thousand times over the years.  Each apology was totally sincere.  I really had no clue just how dysfunctional my family was.  In fact, I am still learning about how dysfunctional it was/is.  There really is nothing more for me to do for them.  

Said kids have no right to complain about a damn thing.  They have been loved, supported, and cheered on.  Seems to me they need to look and see just who the real cunts are.  

Posted in Children's Rights, Rights, Sexual Assault, Women's Rights | Leave a comment

Free/Cheap Replacements for Microsoft Office

Three photos 'stitched' together.

Outside of Sisters, Oregon

A friend asked me about a free/cheap replacement for Microsoft Office (Word Processor) replacement. Just sharing what I wrote back to him in case anyone else needs the information:

There are two really good Microsoft Office replacements—
What I mean by really good, is that they are best considering they are free. They have matured a lot, but you will find some stuff missing compared to Microsoft.
Myself, I always end up reverting to MS.
Here is one, it is called Open Office: https://www.openoffice.org/
 
 
Open Office and this one, Libre Office, are the two I go back to most often. I can say all the same things about Libre Office as I do about Open OFFICE. https://www.libreoffice.org/download/download/
 
 
Another open source one. Its been a long time since I’ve looked at it. I am installing it now. Not sure how it is, but like all open source it’s programmed by volunteers. And it’s free to everyone: https://calligra.org/download/
 
 

Here is one I have never heard of that looks good, and according to a website I trust, they say it’s good: https://www.freeoffice.com/en/

 
  I am downloading it now to see if it is ok. They also have a free PDF editor, I’m even more interested in that. I’ve been paying for one!! BTW, this one looks a lot like Microsoft version of a word processor so maybe the learning curve would not be so bad??
 
 

Oh, believe it or not Microsoft does have a free version of Word. It’s stripped down. But it is usable. I’ve had to use it at times. You will find that at www.office.com

 

 

With your Gmail account you have a whole FREE suite of office applications available. Basically put ‘Google Docs’ into a search engine and wait for the links to come up. Click on “Google Docs” and start your document. It will be a a bit confusing at first. But, it does a pretty good job. I use it mostly for college work and I used it a lot more for the Historical Society. The good news is with your Gmail account you also have 15 free gigabytes of free storage on their “cloud’ for keeping documents safe. You have this stuff available to you already with your email account.

About the photo:

  1. You can click on it to make it larger!
    2.  It is actually three photos ‘stitched’ together to make one huge one.
    3. Nope, I don’t know the owners of the property, nor was it a paid shot.
    4. Taken in 2016 while on the way home from a camping trip.  We had tons of fun.
    I absolutely LOVED it.  It was sooo needed at the time.  
    5. Taken just south of Sisters, Oregon while on our way to Hwy. 20 so we could go over the McKenzie Pass.  
    6.  Please don’t steal, I actually make my spending money by selling these things.
    Copyright 2016, Peggy A Rowe-Snyder
Posted in Just Jabber, Links, Pacific Northwest, PC Support, Software | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Not all Entitled, Racist Pigs are Policemen

An old pic of me, around 22 yrs. old.

An old pic of me, around 22 yrs. old. Ran me through a Photoshop filter, years ago.  Looking entirely too much like my daddy.  Photo taken @ Berry’s Drug Store in New Richmond, Clermont, Ohio.

I think I figured out why I have been avoiding the news like the plague. Yesterday it hit me. I was good until the camera’s zoomed in on the lines of police, and all of them holding those black night sticks. Today the flash backs have started… yesterday it was tears. I read recently to just accept the emotion and let it “wash over” me. See it for what it is something temporary. So, that is what I am trying to do. Same said article said it’s actually a good sign. It’s kind of like the beginning of the end-healing that is. It is most definitely something I do not recall sharing with anyone. I have a few of those. Where the violence of it is so bad (in my mind) that why would anyone want to hear it. No, I’ve never been beaten by a cop. I’m a woman who has an ex husband who liked to force many types of items. If you can imagine the worst, minus the horrid beating you can imagine… then you have probably imagined it close to correctly. He was a security guard for a time. Took a special class in using the weapon–something obviously I still see as a tool of torment. Believe me, I do see it that way to this day. Its not like I ended up black and blue—well, not in all the obvious places anyhow. It is what it did to my heart, my soul, and willingness to confront nearly anything. I’ll fight to the death for my kids–but its taken me years and years to fight for myself. I mean really fight–not just lip service or a faux toughness so well known on my paternal side of the family. One of the last things that my last therapist said to me that still at my age, I avoid conflict at almost any cost. Can it be any wonder? I did not go out of my way to look for these situations. I wandered into them as a young woman, or in this case a teenager. I married a monster is what I did–one that even my mother said reminded her of my father at the time. But, how does a teenager put that into perspective, especially when things are feeling so good in the moment? So, the bottom line is that I married that which I was familiar with. With age and experience one can see it. It evolved into one mess on top of another.

“Je Maintiendra”
The racist, entitled, pig who was never a police officer-but was very violent in terms of what he thought he could get away with. (abt. 21 &20 yrs. old)


A wee bit of a change of subject. Black lives certainly do matter. That is beyond any reasonable demand for a person who is reasonable. Of course they matter. I would not take that fact away from a one of them. They do have 400 years of history behind them (at least!) that still plays in their life on a day to day basis. They deserve a much better deal than what has been handed to them by the white culture, patriarchy, & government. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Myself & oldest (mid 30’s now). By this time in my life I had lived through so many insertions of alien items into my body including homemade “toys”–that for really the rest of our relationship, I did not want the man touching me. It is truly a miracle I managed to stay married as long as I did. I am about 23/24 years old here.  San Francisco, CA ca. 1985ish.

But, for far more than 400 hundred years women have been abused and mistreated by men. The biggest offenders seem to be white men, I could be wrong. The fact, that someone only one year older than I was at that time was capable of such heinous behavior just goes to show what has been handed down from generation to generation. He had to pick it up from somewhere right? The mentality? Nothing he ever did was or even could have been hinted at as being something needed for survival or any other good purpose. It was all about power, violence–keeping someone in their place mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. It worked-I stayed married to him for nearly 16 years. When I finally realized the example I was setting for the kids–that is when I left. He did his damndest to stop it too. Keeping me up all night until I agreed to do things his way. Reminding me that I had some kind of thought deficient and could not see repercussions or consequences of my behavior on my own. Giving me stupid choices, actually believing that I’d pick the worst of them. How many of you were given this option when leaving your spouse: “You can have the kids and everything it takes to make them a home, or you can have the computer.” Even then, I looked at him and asked him what kind of idiot he thought I was. If he was willing to treat me like that, then in what horrible ways was he actually willing to hurt his children? If I could have expressed any of this in court papers at the time, I’d probably been given sole custody, if, I was believed. And for the most part I wasn’t. I wasn’t really believed by the courts until the end of the ordeal when he was stupid enough to speak his mind to a social worker after I gave Wesley up to the “system” to get him the mental health help he needed. She did not tell me everything he said.. just a little bit. She shook her head and said he was unbelievable, she looked at me, “How did you stay married to him for that long?” I believed marriage was scared and forever. I over heard a conversation between adults as a child that inferred that women/wives had a “duty” (which at this point really proves men feeling quite entitled). That along with active behavior on his part to make sure that I felt small and uncapable… that my feelings and dreams were not even close to acceptable or even apart of reality. That is how I stayed married that long. That night stick of his… it was part of a long, long horribly painful journey that I am fairly sure I will never be able to put in its place. Sad thing is…my story is no where near close to the worst out there, not over time, not over generations, not even in modern days. He damn near killed me, and if I had died, it would have been by my own hand. It came that close in the end. This is why — in my mind, though, I would never for a moment take away one second from the BLM movement, but , I do have to say that all lives matter. These entitled, racist pigs, regardless of color of skin (No where near all of them police) need to be brought under control. Too many people are hurt, too many are dying.

Posted in Depression, Elitism, Estrangement, History, Memories, Mental Illnesses, Patriarchy, Personal, Politics, PTSD, Racism, Rights, Sexual Assault, White Supremacy, Women's Rights | Leave a comment

The Grief of a Mother, and the People.

Not that I don’t understand where they are coming from. These people are angry, and I am too. I read something this morning that “white mamma’s” need to share the burden of grieve with the “black mamma’s”. I absolutely can not imagine loosing a child at any age and no matter the circumstances. Becoming a mother has taught me so much about unconditional love. Any mother who loves their kids would fight for their kids. I’ve done it over and over and over again. George Floyd was calling for his mother, and that is absolutely HEARTBREAKING. When Wesley basically over dosed me on that “honey butter” crap, at one point, it was so bad, and I was so scared that I was calling for my mother. I have 100% empathy for Mr. Floyd. I also have 100% empathy for his mother if she had to witness it, or hear it. I can’t imagine the heart break. I’ve seen that some people are already trying to villainize Mr. Floyd. That is sickening. Even if he was a small time petty thief, he did not deserve to die for that. And honestly, those three other officers who stood by and watched this, and then did not attempt a revive the man need to be charged with whatever applies: neglect of human life. or something. They could have brought him back. This makes a whole group of people feel as if they are literally fighting for their very lives. Such blatant disrespect for life. Sickening. As a mother though, yes, I do share in the grief.

#EVERYLIFEMATTERS!

Just saying…

Posted in ACEs, Fallacies, History, Mental Illnesses, Patriarchy, Political Crap, Racism, White Supremacy | Leave a comment

Is A Move in the Works?

We are considering moving our residence — out of the immediate area. I keep finding properties in other areas of Oregon where the houses cost less. We can upscale our standard of living and spend less money. This place could actually be worth something as people run from the cities. It is more feasible now than ever in my life–the moving away from cities that is. People are being forced to work from home. Some are realizing it’s not so bad after all.

Back in the 1990’s I told an employment counselor that was one of my dreams. I wanted to live in a rural area and work from home. This was around 1996 or 1997 (or so). The woman literally told me to get my head out of the clouds!! And now a bit over 20 years later, we are saving our most important “data” to the “cloud”. All of us have our heads in the clouds now.

I have found a 3 bedroom, with a 2 car garage in an area that is very affordable for us. Plus it has a little side building that is a studio apartment. We could rent that out and make it all the more affordable for us. This place has a basement too!! Can you imagine the storage area?! And room/protected space for his beloved Corvair to boot! A dream come true…. an office and sewing room!

We are waiting on word from the Oregon Department of Veterans Affairs right now. A state level VA loan, hopefully will soon be in the works. And then again, it could all fall through too! LOL

We’d still be on bus lines, if kids actually want to visit. We only have a couple of those. LOL. A teaching hospital in the area affiliated with OSU, specialty cardiology is there. Medford isn’t that far away, and neither is Redding. Even if they were not there, we are both fully aware that we entering the final phases of our life. We’ve both lived way past what we thought was our expected lifetime. Every day is a blessing these days.

May as well chase dreams as we can. We would not be closer to the Bay Area or the ocean, but we’d be closer to Mammaw! 🙂 That part would be cool, as she’s made it clear she wants us around for holidays.

Ok, back to school work. One more essay due in 3 days! This one about the importance of Ellis Island in American History!!

Posted in Women's Rights | Leave a comment

I ORDER THEE: GET BACK TO WORK!

 

This is Snuggly, one of my very special hens.  (Copyright 2020, Peggy A Rowe-Snyder)

So, our “President” has used the war powers act to order meat packers back to work.

I wonder, has anyone given any thought to the fact that farmers are flat out killing their animals since they are currently a loosing proposition. Rather stupid, I’d rather see that stuff going to food banks.

But, if there is no source of meat, just what are these meat packers supposed to pack?

My deduction: Its probably pretty obvious to most, but this decision like all the rest is politically driven. Trump is obviously getting desperate to make the economy LOOK normal. The bottom line is to be able to tout the fact that he’s seen the country through a Pandemic and saved the economy and therefore deserves another four years in the White House.

Whatever you do, don’t buy it. His job is no where near complete yet. By the time election time comes we’ll probably be smack dab in the middle of the 2nd wave of this pandemic. That is if the experts don’t have some sort of medication that lessens the outright damage this virus exacts from the human body.

The man (The Dumb Trump) has not made a move that hasn’t been politically motivated. There is no way anything is going to change now. Now, especially it is time to keep this in mind. Our big job is to vote the man out of office and pray he leaves peacefully, and that his followers are not the extremists they appear to be. Quite a few from the area where I live are promising Civil War if he’s not reelected. (Really??!!).

We can do better. Now is the time to Make America Great Again—MAGA his ass right out of office!!

🙂

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Darkness At Noon by Arthur Koestler

HST341 – History of Russia

I would have never read this book on my own.  I am perfectly female in this way.  I do not want to read about bullets, blood or dying.   I spent at least 2/3rds of the book asking myself what the point was!  It all fell into place as I read the two chapters from week 4 of class.

A good deal of the information from class is all new news to me.  I knew of Lenin and Stalin.  I knew it was bad. I’d heard it was violent and bleak.  But one cannot picture it until they have learned about it in some detail.  This book gives excellent detail to surroundings, and detail into the possible thoughts of the characters, especially the main character, Mr. Rubashov.

              Darkness at Noon is a story about Stalin, and his party of supporting Bolsheviks.  It was about the doing away of any person who so much as breathed a breath of air contrary to the what the party ordered or believed in.  Rubashov was the last tile in a line of dominos.  When he fell, the fight was over, those who symbolized something that went against the party line.  “…a shrug of eternity” — a very small cog in the big wheel of life, what may have mattered to Rubashov no longer mattered at all.  It symbolized the end of an era. The end of a particular people doing a particular job in a particular way.  In doing all this, the story also shows us that Rubashov despite it all, was still a party man, else he probably would not have given himself up by capitulating to his jailers.
          In the very beginning of the book even before the table of contents, the author gives us a HUGE clue as to the nature of the story itself.  The story is fictious, but the main character is a synthesis of people who really existed.   They all lived through the Moscow Trials and the author knew more than one of them personally.  That little paragraph is very telling and really, is what the reader needs to constantly remind him or herself of while reading it. 

The Moscow Trials are in general seen as part of the Great Purge that was ordered by Stalin himself. There were three trials. All the people tried were Bolshevik party leaders who were by then older, most had been very, very loyal.   Stalin was looking to purge the system of anyone who had an opinion that was against him, and who was perceived as a threat in terms of treason toward Stalin.   The perceived threat need not to be real.

One man who was part of the old Bolshevik party and even more important he was part of the  “Central Committee of the Communist Party”- he was there to help build it up, he was a decision maker, was active and loyal.  Mr. Kamenev was part of the Trotsky-Zinoviev Center (the Trial of Sixteen), which was the show trial he ended up being found guilty of.  He and others from those trials were “interrogated” (tortured is probably a more accurate term).Though they claimed to be loyal to the Communist Party in the end they were weakened (through torture) until they were willing to “confess” their crimes.  Originally, the trials were private, but Stalin turned around and used them for propaganda purposes.  But, part of Mr. Kamenev background was that he was a father, and he had been shown evidence that his son was being investigated by the authorities.  This was part of the pressure that the older Bolsheviks were feeling when they were offered a deal:   To basically give up, confess, and for that confession the men who were being interrogated would have saved their families including Kamenev’s son who was in line to be executed from anymore of the cruelties being handed out at the moment.  Obviously, this was the character of Father and Son with the last name of Keiffer in the book.  So, we must also keep in mind while reading that not only is the main character a synthesis of many real people but other characters in the book are also representative of real people at the time of the Great Purge.    Mr. Kamenev was killed in 1936 (though Stalin started moving against him in 1925). And like Mr. Keiffer in the book, probably did give his life in exchange for a peaceful life for his family.

No. 1 must be Stalin.  The name is fitting considering the adulation he was receiving in the form of poems, and whatnot, especially towards the end of his life. (Rasanovsky, 509) The author of our textbook makes it clear that there was a “Cult of Personality” involved with Stalin and his image.  This would explain his photograph in what seem like every main room of homes and offices.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary a “cult of personality” is “a situation in which a public figure (such as a political leader) is deliberately presented to the people of a country as a great person who should be admired and loved.”  One need only look at the documentary videos.  The images say it all.  Armies marching carrying posters of Stalin as if he were someone who is above all—possibly even a God. 

Although, the author of the book says that the main character is a synthesis of more than one person, one reads about the history of Niolai Bukharin and wonders if there is really any other person mixed into that personality.  Mr. Bukharin was part of the Bolshevik party nearly from the get-go, he worked under Lenin, and participated with the Party work.  He was a traveled man, in that he ended up in exiled a few times, at least once with Lenin.  He was sent abroad also by Stalin to negotiate the purchase of the Lenin and Marx Archive from Germany as well.   His second wife’s name was Anna Larina.  A photo of her shows her as particularly striking.  It has come to mind that Arlova represents this beautiful woman.    A piece of her lives in Rubashov, she tapped messages on the walls of her prison wall to others around her. 

It is easy to see how Bukharin could have been Rubashov.  During his trial, which was the “The Trial of the Twenty-One”, it became completely clear over time to the Russian people that the charges against him were absurd.  What made them seem extremely absurd was the man’s absolute history of support for the party and what it did and represented.  He supported NEP, he supported the stage of Industrialization that took place, he could live with the “liquidation” of people as a means to an end and voiced it.  Yet, he was also the one man who ended up labeling Stalin as a “Genghis Khan” and ended up questioning the whole movement, just like our main character, Rubashov.   He MUST be the figure that the author used to base Rubashov one last gift of loyalty to the old party, his life.  He ended his statement at his trial like this, “the monstrousness of my crime is immeasurable especially in the new stage of struggle of the U.S.S.R. May this trial be the last severe lesson, and may the great might of the U.S.S.R. become clear to all”  One can only imagine all the mental gymnastics it took to go from where he was to here, and some more to be able to justify any of it at all. 

Before concluding, I’d like to add that I believe that the author, Arthur Koestler, even told us quite a bit about himself with this story.  He is part of that synthesis that is Rubashov.  Accidently running into a little about him while reading about the Trial of the Twenty-One.  He was a devoted Communist. It was this trial complicated by the absurd charges filed against Bukharin that caused him to break with Communism.  He, himself, must have had to do a LOT of soul searching to conclude he came to.

In the story there was a section where decency was talked about Rubashov and a neighboring cell mate (No. 402). In his way Rubashov aka Bukharin/Koestler was fighting over the definition of decency the whole time.  What was real, what was decency? In whose name and in what style of politics does one be decent for in terms of people?  In the end, Rubashov decided that decency was sticking to the party line, capitulating to the party.  He literally sacrificed himself for the party (and in real life, his family –Bukharin).

In who’s name was the barrel raised?  Was it raised for the people? Arlova?  The Central Committee of the Communist Party? The Bolshevik Party?  Stalin?  Maybe it was raised in all their names by that point in history, excepting for the ordinary people who were just trying to survive it all.  The characters represented in the book all played the parts good and bad.  Bukharin probably came closest to realizing just how wrong he was.   Perhaps in reality the barrel was raised for the people, for they were the ones who suffered the consequences of this grand plan to take Russia from a temporary Socialism to Communism knowing there would be suffering and liquidating along the way and justifying it as an end to the means.  I think at the time, the barrel was raised in the name of an insane Stalin.  After all these years, I think, it was raised in the name of the people, and probably should have been literally raised once more for Stalin himself.  There was nothing to admire there.

Personally, I cannot imagine living during these times.  The terror of it, the famine.  It is hard to contemplate how this all even came about.  Humanity can be so cruel. And yet, we know history repeats itself however, dooming and damning it may be. 

“all became quiet,…”  My guess is that the author had passed out at least once in his life.  I personally have passed out and gone code blue.  All does become quiet, except the noise of the ocean waves, which in my guess is probably the noises the body makes as it makes its final movements, and then decides to reboot itself.  There is no time there, no contemplations, no light, and no tunnel.  At least not for me.  I learned that when I am dead, I am dead.  Gone to sleep is such an understatement, most of humanity has no idea how fragile they really are. 

It was the beginning of the end of an Era.  It was most certainly the end of the Bolsheviks as they once were.  It was the end of many people, and their ideals, and dreams. With Stalin near his end, and a population moving on to a different life…. It was all becoming quiet.  It was a process for sure, as all death is.  It is something we do from the moment we are born.   On so many levels it does and will all become quiet.

Sources:

·         Adrian Pecotic M.A., Psychology Today, Cults of Personality and Where to Find Them. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/synapses-sanity-society/201906/cults-personality-and-where-find-them

Please note that if you are interested in reading this book that it is available very inexpensively in many outlets on the internet.  The book, originally published in America in 1941, a copy of which cost me under $5 for the book and shipping.    It is also freely available at the Internet Archive, and the Internet Library (it’s on loan there).    

Posted in Book Review - Reading, Communism, History, HST 341 - History of Russia, Lenin/Stalin, Politics, Socialism, Uncategorized, Women's Rights | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Chinese Exclusion Act

History Timeline  (Assignment for Immigration Class, I’m sure will be edited.  I do not consider myself done.)

May 6 – The Chinese Exclusion Act is the first significant law that restricts immigration into the U.S.

The following artwork (line art?)  is from a Danish immigrant newspaper called the, Bien.  It is written exclusively in Danish.  This photo is from April 21, 1882.  I asked a Danish friend to transcribe the article for me.  He discovered that the text all around the artwork is about a man who went fishing in Lake Winnebago.   My friend said the story is boring!

I was disappointed that there was no text about this photo or about what prompted why it went into the public.  I almost tossed the photo and started looking elsewhere.

And then I realized — This paper was published in San Francisco just before the Chinese Exclusion Act was made into law.  The Chinese people had a huge presence in San Francisco and Northern California.  Even back then there was a China town section in San Francisco.

So, at the very least one can look at the photo and interpret what it is trying to say with history being used to place it in context.  The Chinese started coming over to the US in 1848.  They were allowed in only as laborers.  In 1868, The Burlington Treaty specifically allowed open immigration from China to America.   But, less than 20 years later came the Chinese Exclusion Act.    

When this artwork was published the Chinese were victims of “sustained” violence and other abuses.  Including racism where the “natives” (not Indians) thought themselves quite superior and justified their behavior based on their very poor assumptions about who the Chinese were and how smart they really were.

When I look at this artwork, I am sad to see that the Danish people see the Chinese this way. Everyone in the picture looks male to me. We are primarily people who are laborers is what I surmise.  China Town already looks crowded from the looks of the buildings.  A reflection of how our culture put people in their place in terms of housing.  The same happened to the Jewish in New York. The fact that it was printed at all without some text with it – I think shows how much talk there is about the impending new law. And the attitudes that the new immigrants, the Danish, have picked up on the attitudes of “white” people at the time. 

Sources:
(Chinese Historical Society)
https://chsa.org/2017/04/what-was-the-chinese-exclusion-act/

The Bien, From the Danish Museum Digital Newspaper Vault
https://box2.nmtvault.com/DanishIM/jsp/RcWebImageViewer.jsp?doc_id=751256cf-c450-45b0-960e-98ea399ddd1e%2Fiaehdim0%2F20140902%2F00000002&fbclid=IwAR3cgiL-esgfBJ-s6nJJDA_i1uF7-Bhacq2gBVJZ6LLctoULNqzitEQqj0E:

https://timeline.com/in-pictures-the-making-of-san-franciscos-chinatown-dc9745d53443

Posted in Culture, Elitism, History, Politics, Prejudice, Racism, White Supremacy | Leave a comment

A Must Read…

Pass this one around. I could not have said any of it better. This all hit me when the Republican leadership said that grandparents should think about giving their lives up to give their grandchildren better lives. Really? When did grandparents become a zero value commodity? This is when it suddenly dawned on me that people who scream that they are pro-lifers are probably the worlds biggest hypocrites. As is natural for me, it made me sad. I hate seeing the bad sides of people. I just don’t even want to acknowledge it. In some ways, this is where being a fence sitter actually works. A fence sitter like me can take a centrist point of view— I don’t believe in abortion for myself and I have lived that way. But, I do believe in women having the right to make the decision for themselves. I do not believe in forcing my personal choice on others. I do believe the way we treat immigrants and migrants is wholly indefensible. I do believe we need some more common sense gun control (Clyde and I disagree on this point, what I see as common sense, he sees as government control). I can’t ignore the loss of lives every time a (Usually WHITE) young man shoots up a school yard, theater, or some other group gathering. It’s time we treat our mentally ill humanely, and teach our sons that they are not privileged over another person regardless of skin color or sex. It’s time to put bullying in its place –away, 1000% NOT tolerated. Done with this particular rant.

So, You Never Really Were “Pro-Life,” Were You? By: JOHN PAVLOVITZ

 

 

 

“I’m sorry folks, but I a can’t remember what I’m doing now…forget about yesterday!”

Posted in Children's Rights, Elitism, Fallacies, General News, Paternalism, Patriarchy, Political Crap, Politics, Racism, Uncategorized, White Supremacy, Women's Rights | Tagged , | Leave a comment