I Still Dance My Little Dance Today

Dedicated to those who are both a mother and child….


Today I Danced My Own Dance

Then the yesterdays came,

and then they fluttered away….

while they were here,

I gave them a glance…

In one yesterday,

I was a princess,

who was loved, given the gift of joy.

In another,

I was a nothing,

something to be wadded up

and thrown away.

There was another yesterday,

where I was a protector

of one so young and meek.

I felt powerful

I was able to grow in uncountable ways….

After that day of wonder,

I was beaten,

and it was in every way-

My self-esteem, my energies —

everything was gone astray.

Then came another day,

I often see as a yesterday,

I pulled myself up,

dusted myself off,

told myself I’d live,

and love,

and then…

I chose selflessness, love.

I chose completion, education, resolution.

I chose growth, as opposed to stagnation.

Unlike those who live in

and stay stuck in the dark,

In fact,

I did choose to not live with you

in the state of bitterness.

And yesterday,

it was quite clear

that you, regardless of

my station in life,

expected me to sit down, shut up,

and do as I was told.

That was truly my betrayal.

Clearly, I could not mind.

Clearly, I could not follow direction,

The threats did not stymie me.

That must have left you filled with fear.

But, I kept dancin’ my dance,

I thought for myself,

and lived for mine,

and your threats could not stop

my protection of one so little and frail.

Yesterday,

I was true to me.

True to my beliefs.

True to my view of the world.

True to my precepts…

I lived the best I knew,

While you acted as jury and judge,

And you stayed mighty and angry

on that bitter seat.

You may have it

if that is how you are pleased,

honestly, I’ll never understand it.

Myself, I could not stand to live in that cave.

Somewhere along the line,

I grew up,

and I danced my dance.

But, you still saw a little girl.

The same little rebel you saw when

I was all of three–

the one you wished aloud

would get even with myself,

when mine turned into me.

And yet, the little rebel

she danced her little dance.

How sad it must be to stay

stuck in the past,

and live with such anger

and bitterness…

That you can’t enjoy

watching your own

dance their own dance,

and spin all around.

How hard it must be…

To leave that painful welt alone…

I can see how the blood letting might

actually, help.

That is,

if you can’t leave it alone.

Someday, maybe you will see,

that only I can see what I can be.

Only I can sing my tune,

Only I can dance my dance.

You can enjoy the music with me.

We can take turns and sing.

But, the only person who can take

my step, is me.

Threatening a person was never a way to be.

I’d been there and done that, and

all the while–all I had to learn

was to walk through my fear….

What I had not known was that

I had already done it over and over,

and in the process,

I had developed my little dance,

during one or more of those

yesterdays….

when you were not watching.

Or perhaps

when you

could not see.

I had learned to dance my little dance…

and so each day,

I still dance my little dance

And I try to be happy

Because life goes on and it

waits for absolutely nobody

I want to splash in the waves

and run in the sand

I want to dance my dance

and be threatened by

none….

About PeggyAnn

Professional PC Consultant, Researcher, & avid people watcher, Peggy Ann Rowe started into her genealogical quest at age 15 after watching the mini-series, "Roots" with her parents. This new obsession has fueled her love of history, & study of cultures & societies in every epoch. Today she is 57 years old with four kids who are all grown up (& all have flown the coop). In between her 'gigs' with clients she volunteered at many different non-profits. Former President, Secretary, and Director at Large on the board of the Douglas County Historical Society for 10+ years, and former Secretary at the Cloverdale Historical Society (Sonoma County) for nearly 10 years. This website is an attempt to share the knowledge she has gained about her family ties with others who may be interested in the same things. She does not guarantee 100% accuracy and does hope that you will send corrections. To learn more about her, click the "about" button in the page menu. Thanks! Another goal of this website is to disseminate a message (i.e. education) about domestic violence, child abuse, and all forms of sexual abuse to society at large. The message comes from real experience from the whole spectrum of the violence from sexual abuse by a perpetrator to sexual abuse perpetrated by a husband, to the abuse of children within the family. Peggy has seen it, lived it, and been hurt by it. There will on occasion be details that might be hard for some people to read, and a warning is usually posted at the beginning of the essay so that those who want to turn and not read may do so. The only way to teach and to let others learn what to avoid is to SHARE what happened with every detail necessary to make the point. Thank you.
This entry was posted in Womens Rights. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.