Please take note that I am talking about specific people that I have an awareness of. Most of my writing comes from awareness of actual living conditions of someone. Often such people are close to me. So, when I am saying anything, I may not name a name because truly, I don’t want to make any bad situation worse. I simply hold the situation up to the light, hoping that others will not fall into the trap of thought that creates the arrogance that surrounds these attitudes of intolerance and hatred.
My children, specifically, my three biological children were raised on the idea that when they grew up, they would be able to research their spirituality, religious inclinations, sexuality, gender, or whatever it was (no matter what it was) for themselves, and that I would not try to sway them. My idea was that they’d decide for themselves what was important to them because for whatever reason, they’ve researched it or lived it, whatever. My hope of course, that they’d make good sound decisions for themselves.
I have watched all three grow up to be non-believers. Each for their own set of reason(s). I do not fault them for it. The youngest two were taken to and participated in church services in Geyserville, Sonoma County, CA at Geyserville Christian Church. A church that I could live with, be active in, and be proud of for it’s inclusive nature, loving stance, and non-hypocritical themes. I do believe with all of my heart that they got some ‘good stuff’ from those experiences.
The kids were made aware that I was raised by a non-practicing 7th Day Adventist, and avid atheist. The kids and I also attended 7th Day Camp meetings, and other of the same type of gatherings with friends, family, etc.
And while in no way, did I force the christian outlook onto the kids, neither did I insist they believe the dogma. I simply stated that due to my childhood circumstance it was a fight to believe in God, but it made me feel better and comforted when I did. Nothing was crammed down their throat by me, and specifically, that is because of my very own experiences as a young person.
The oldest child was stolen away from me for six years. Father took her and ran, and hid away. When I found an address, usually they’d already moved on, but if they had not, and I made a move to contact said child, they’d pick up and leave. I had absolutely no involvement with her life. And this was NOT by choice. The courts were warned that this would happen, and as far as I am concerned, they let it happen.
During this child’s time away, she grew up, and became a person that I really did not know. She was exposed to Catholic tradition, which in and of itself, I do not see as a bad thing. But, her distaste (i.e. intolerance, hatred) for all things Christian leads me to believe something NOT good happened there.
It would have been OK if oldest said she didn’t approve of youngest’s boyfriends family. Youngest might have taken it under advisement. Personally, I see nothing wrong with this family, and I do see an attitude of prejudgment from older daughter that frightens the bajesus out of me when I think of young people being around her.
If oldest would have made her statement and left it alone, perhaps she might have even gotten her way, because she wouldn’t have been nagging and threatening the youngest, and causing youngest to rebel even more (which at her age, she’s going to do—it’s her age, duh!)
But the matter was forced from what I hear, with a lot of anger mixed in which in all reality made older daughter look irrational, jealous, arrogant, full of hate, and intolerance. In fact, in her mother’s eyes, she has become the epitome of the extremist christian view only on the other side of the wall. And she can’t even blame the middle of the ground faith of her mother for it. She can only blame herself for falling for an extremest, hateful, and intolerant view point. (Not all Christians are bad people, and YOUR attitude is far less loving, than most Christians I’ve ever met. And before you say you don’t care how I feel, let me just say, YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!)
The kids WERE warned to stay away from the fundamentalists, and extremest, as we didn’t need any more of those in this world, no matter which side of the argument they stood on. And on an aside, I know I have mentioned at least to one of them, that they needed to be careful that they didn’t fall to an extreme attitude in the exact opposite direction of the christian fundamentalists and or any other type of extremists.
Now, the people I am talking to right now, had at least two situations going on. I’ve done a basic introduction to the one situation I’m going to write about. But, I also want to mention that animal abuse is also involved with this story, and as far as concerned, now that the animal is under my care, ALL parties involved are as guilty of animal abuse. The accusers were under as much moral and ethical obligation to take care of the animal as the ‘owner’, because the animal was in their home and they were watching the neglect happening and doing absolutely NOTHING except ragging on the owner: a 19 yr. old who has discovered (finally) that life and the world is FUN! Either way, at this point, my stance on this situation is that this animal better never leave my home again. Ridiculous is an understatement. I’m not sure but we are looking at a chargeable offense right now. What this animal has been through is more than neglect, it was down right mean. Nuff said. (I may post photos of said animal, it is sad and tragic.)
Back to the original subject of this essay. Part of the reason said young person was kicked out of her living space (a room in an older siblings home that a boyfriend owns) is because she is seeing a young man whose parents are christian. Participating christian in that they go to church, and apparently at least try to walk the walk and talk the talk. I’ve never met them, but I can say, I’m very impressed by their child, and their home. Oldest daughter and boyfriend ordered youngest daughter to stop seeing boyfriend because his parents were trying to to convert her.
And my answer to that is, “SO!?!?!?!?!?!” Really!!!!??? Older child needs to take a step back and listen to those around her, and more than anything else, listen to herself. She is espousing arrogance, hatred, and intolerance. If she had a conversation with herself, and really, really listened, she’d know, she’s wrong.
There are people out there who are ‘very’ christian and are VERY GOOD people. There is a mixture of both good and bad in every sort of human group imaginable. But, do you hate one whole group because of one bad person? Yes, there are stupid people out there, but does that mean that they are not sincerely trying to live a good, honest, compassionate life?
I think what is the most important in this case is that these people are loving, supportive, compassionate, involved. Their child has been so well directed in his childhood that he’s looking at possibly becoming a nuclear engineer and you honestly think he’s not good enough for your sister?
OH, give me a break! If someone is not good enough for another, it’s probably that you are not good enough for your own boyfriend!
The judgement that has been rendered is short sided and woefully, prejudice based on personal experiences (which were not good), and incredibly hurtful. Oldest daughter was taught to live and let live. Her mother NEVER tried to control her in anyway, even when said daughter, decided that Wicca was her thing. Did I agree with it? I am open to the earth based religions only because of their tie to the planet, and the ancient human cultures. I’ve never practiced it to any degree, and no, I do not believe for one minute that anyone can be a witch, not even a good one. I saw said child as confused due to her very bad childhood experiences (which I had no control over).
One final paragraph to said daughter’s boyfriend: Look at what your young daughter has now been exposed to and tell me this is NOT going to hurt her in the future. How long do you think it is going to take before that mouth and attitude has found it’s way to being directed at YOUR daughter??? This is obviously, at this point, not run of the mill anger being spewed out in your home. Your daughter has a beautifully UGLY example of arrogance, hatred, and intolerance before her. And you actually want her to learn this? It’s one thing to instill your values, it’s another to encourage these traits. And it’s another to leave her in a situation where you know this attitude can be turned onto her — that would be child abuse.
—-an essay under construction….